I felt almost "discombobulated," without one. odd, i know... i once was anti-digital--weren't we all-- but I guess after a days' or weeks' work of photographs, I don't feel like I have fully absorbed the photos I took. Editing through photos is like reflection time for me. I guess that is why it takes me forever to get people their photos. Besides the editing process, everytime I look at a photo I relive the moment. I've always been nostalgic in nature...
Funerals are probably one of the hardest things to shoot. it was particularly hard to shoot the funeral of Adelaida Legaspi, the only sister of one of the Nanays I'm documenting. What made this funeral especially hard was the actual burial. Nanay's family had no money to give her sister a proper burial, so they had to settle for a free space in North Cemetery. This free space was at the back of the cemetary, surrounded by garbage and sewage, resting at the very bottom of other caskets--which all rested under homes in which people reside in. (If you are not familiar with North Cemetaryits not only home for the dead, but also for 10,000 living.)
It was hard seeing Nanay and her family bury her sister. What really upset the family was that because the casket couldn't fit in the "free space" they had to take off the top of the casket--exposing her--and then push her in. That was really hard to see, but must have been especially for Nanay and her family. They couldn't afford to give her the burial they wanted to give her... that stung. and that hurt.
This project I am working on and the people I have met because of it, is one of the contributing factors as to why I'm staying and not going to India. Yup, after a LONG internal debate and after resisting what I knew my heart was already saying, I finally started to cancel the plane tickets. Yup, they were already bought, and the dates were set, but one part was missing, my complete heart. it was definately torn, and i don't want to get into the details of the weighing scales, but let's just say, I'm used to putting a lot of stuff on my plate and overworking myself. I always seem to jump to the next chapter without ever completely finishing the current one. And this chapter definately needs to be written out. I just hope the main character finds what she's looking for.
While decisions are being made, challenges are put before me. Like, for example, my 16-35mm lense locking up and my camera just breaking!!! well at least not turning on at all. i was quite devestated when i found out, went a little crazy, but i'm now at the acceptance stage...haha... just figuring out to fix this dilemma. it shall be solved =)
Overall, how am I doing? I'm alright. My bro is in town and will be leaving tomorrow. His presence reminded me too much of home--which isn't a bad thing at all--just got the homesick blues... but it's all good, as I do look forward to the rest of this adventure.
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