I miss shooting...

For some November 1st is La Dia de los Muertos, for folks in the Philippines it’s All Saint’s Day--different names but the same day that commemorates the dead, the souls, the spirits.



Yesterday, I accompanied my mom and grandma to Rosales, Pangasenan, their hometown province. My grandma wanted to visit my grandpa, who passed away more than 20 years ago, her only brother who passed away last year, and her nephew who passed away two months ago---all whom are buried in the same cemetery. Here in the Philippines, it’s a weekend celebration. Saturday is All Saints Day, and Sunday is All Souls Day. which is a big celebration where folks visit their family members who have passed, light candles, bring flowers, and sometimes sleep in the cemetery. There are vendors, a lot of food, and music---basically a party in the cemetery.

Everytime, my grandma visits her hometown, it’s always an emotional occasion. Her and her relatives hug for the first 20 minutes, and they catch up on who passed away, how they passed away, health, financial situations, memories, life….

I can’t even imagine what they are whispering about….




And Nanay got to also visit a cousin, Prosperro Bautista, she hasn’t seen in more than 20 years. It took him a couple of minutes to recall who my grandma was, but once he did, he pulled out the photo albums and the reminiscing began.



Time. My grandma’s cousin actually lives alone right now and has been for years. When we saw him, he was sitting on his front porch, next to a Christmas tree he decorated himself. He said his kids will be visiting in December, and he set up the tree early because it’s the one thing he really looks forward to.



It’s a trip how time can fly by so fast. I just turned 24 last week, and for me, birthdays are times for celebrations, but also reflections. I got to party it up with my friends, but I also did a lot of thinking of where I am now compared to where I was last year. This past year I traveled to a bunch of places, but I feel as if I am still in the same position. I have made moves, but I haven’t MADE MOVES. I’m a big dreamer, but I gotta stop dreaming, and get moving…. Make those dreams real.

Time flies. A whole year passed by with a blink of an eye. For my grandma and her cousin, I can't even imagine what the concept of time is to them...is time even relevant?

exactly...

"One of the things I had to learn as a journalist was what to do with my anger. I had to use it, channel its energy, turn it into something that would clarify my vision, instead of clouding it." -James Nachtwey

James Nachtwey's wish

In the process of focusing, I ramble...

I'm at that point again... I'm sitting in front of my laptop struggling to start on my writing assignments for class, and I can't help but sidetrack. I guess to focus my thoughts into essay form, I have to focus myself... and to do that is to write it out.

That urge to simply just go has been pinching at me, and is beginning to punch at me. I wonder how long I will take the abuse... haha... so entangled I feel.

It's been a long time since I last wrote. Having people to talk to, kind of takes away from the writing time. But I think it is vital to have time to write, to see your words and thoughts reflected back to you.

Sometimes it is inspiration that leads to writing, photographing, painting, creating, etc... people sometimes wait for that inspiration. Like a beautiful surprise, it can come out of nowhere- heightening your awareness of life and urging you to create. But sometimes, one has to dig to get to that inspiration. Instead of looking out, look within.

I think a lot. I dig within. I ask a lot of questions. I am curious. I have a thirst to know. I have a thirst to create.

"In the abundance of water, a fool is thirsty." Mr. Bob Marley, a wise man, once said.

Quench that thirst. Just go. do it. take it. embrace it.

I feel deeply and I think deeper. I have accepted that about myself. It's all about focusing that depth into something tangible. "Controlling the spirit in order to attain harmony, and through compassion, offer it to others." --- That, i think, is the definition of art.

still in love with black and white

Shooting here and there...

A photo I found while sorting through my hard drive...
a random guy on his celly in downtown San Diego...

Because of the beautiful days here in the Bay Area, I had the opportunity to take my cousin out to what the hipsters call, "The Mish."

and found some graffati artists along the way...


and a little bit of sarcastic truth...

"Watch any good multimedia lately?"

The piece about India done by Jim Goldberg, was done very well...very powerful.

Step-by-step...

Although I grew up in San Francisco, I feel like I'm rediscovering it all over again. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. I was always in between home and San Jose, San Diego, or somewhere else in the world, for the past couple of years-- but I saw home as somewhere in between. Whenever I was home, I always had the urge to go... pack up and leave whenever I had the chance. Never really absorbed... But for the first time, I feel like I gotta stand still for a little bit. I gotta see what standing still can offer.



I looked through my old journal entries, and read passages of just not wanting to be here because I felt there were so many places in the world to discover. But coming back, with a new state of mind since I left for college 6 years ago, I am so excited to apply what I learned to a place that has molded me. Bridging, connecting the dots, reconnecting, and discovering....

For the past couple of weeks I've been volunteering at a summer program in west Oakland helping youth create stories, then actually help them produce a short movie. And it's been amazing... definately a learning experience. From helping pull out details for their stories to teaching them photography, to introducing multi-media tools, it has been remarkable. And it's definately a breath of fresh air in between this job/gig hunting challenge I undergo day-to-day.







I've also reconnected with folks from
Reignforest Collective to do side gigs with them. I forgot how fun night photography is...







I went down to San Diego this past weekend, and shot around the Gaslamp District. Definately a fun place to shoot at night...






So, yeah, that's what I've been to. a little bit of this and that... just figuring things out. It may not be "journalistic," but I'm still shooting and still loving it. It's all a process.

In life, we all gotta make decisions. I got buddies traveling on the other side of the world pursuing dreams, some don't even have to travel far to do so...but regardless, people take risks in life---involving careers, family, and love. It's all a process... I have a thirst to do so much, and I'm taking it one step at a time.

As Ms. Erykah Badu says:

Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back