My Mind's Eye, My Heart's Voice, My Soul Wanders

I have moved.....

2011-01-17T10:43:00.001-08:00

Lemonade...

2010-07-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the inspiration Annie Lou. A good friend of mine and a talented painter, Annie Lou, posted this link. We met through our early years at San Diego State, and I don't get to see her very much, but when I do, we talk about where we are and where we want to be. Thanks for reminding me again.

Behind my Lense for a Year...

2010-07-01T23:31:00.000-07:00

It's officially been a year since I moved to New York. I think it's a thing to record and take note of THE date you started to live in this concrete jungle. A "milestone" I think a lot of people like to keep track of. The day one decided to make that jump. It can be both a magical and harsh reality-- this city. It can be inspiring and challenging. It can be a moment of clarity or moments of uncertainty. It's something different for everyone, but no one can deny that New York has a definite attraction.

Poems, songs, books and movies are created that introduce New York as its main character... I created a multi-media piece-- okay, i created two-- about my one year love affair with this city. They are both pretty similar in terms of music and layout. But, I was quite torn in what I wanted to show with this piece--something more personal to share with friends or something more general for others to relate. Or should I find the balance between the two? I had so many photos and videos to edit through, so it was a definite task to eliminate.

So, I really like the beginning of Take One-- but I think the photos go too fast, and this piece is more a "personal piece." The pace, I like to argue, represents the speed of this past year-- it just flew by.... BUT, the second piece, definitely has a slower pace- which allows the viewer to absorb the photos longer--BUT, not all the photos I wanted made the cut. The beginning of my second piece, I feel is a bit cliche--but I do like the ending. So, I am still trying to figure out which one best represents my eye-- my experience and perspective of New York. Maybe both do--- or maybe I just need to buckle down and edit. What do you think???? Yet to make a "final" edit.

One Year in NY- Take One from Diana Diroy on Vimeo.

One Year in NY- Take Two from Diana Diroy on Vimeo.

Ma-mamiya!!

2010-06-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, I went on Craigslist in search of a film camera. I was not quite sure which one, but I knew I wanted one. Besides my Canon Rebel film camera, my Holga, and my Diana camera, I wanted an all manual camera. Through the advise of Paul Quitoriano, a talented photographer who also shoots with a Mamiya- among other light-capturing devices- I purchased a Mamiya 645. With school and work, I have not had much of a chance to play with my new baby, but got to take it out here and there. My first role, was not a success. The photo above is the only thing that was salvaged from accidental exposure. But besides my first roll, here are "proof sheets" of other photos I took.

I don't have a light meter, and am still learning the camera, and eventually I will work on a project with it.

As for right now, I am on summer break. No summer classes, but I am still teaching Video Production for NYC City Parks Foundation and just started interning for Third World Newsreel. My focus right now has been video production and editing, but I'm really still trying to shoot photography as much as I can. I'm looking for any opportunities, so holla at me if you know of any;)

Through a window

2010-06-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

Performance. I have not heard or thought much about that term, until this past year. It is something that we probably do not think much about, but we always do... we perform. We are performers. The way one acts with her family, will be different from the way she will act with her co-workers. And in the internet world, when it comes to social networks like Facebook, its just the same. One puts on a show. Not necessarily something fake, but rather, revealing OR withholding certain things about one's self. Do I want this to be "professional" page for clients , or do I want this to be a spot to reconnect with friends or family, or do I want to use it to show photos of my work, etc... The reason why I bring this up, is because this blog is just the same. I am not really sure what to write or what to post because I am not sure what role I am performing in the blog. Is this my diary? Should I write about my feelings? Is this a spot to show photos I take? Is this a spot to talk about camera equipment or the newest documentary that has inspired me? But hey, why not all of the above? Maybe it is my "shy" or rather private personality. I like to share, but sometimes I wonder...who is reading this? Hello world ;)

Anyway, I got to visit home about a week ago. Refreshing. It was a very short visit though. First thing I had to see was the ocean. The smell of fresh air and the sound of crashing waves-- definitely something I do not experience so much living in New York. And something I crave especially since I live literally right next to the JMZ subway line.

(A View from my bedroom window)

I think it was harder saying bye to home this time around, more than it was for me when I moved (which is about a year ago). Maybe because I have no idea when I will be back. Maybe because after being surrounded by people I love and being spoiled by my mom's HOME COOKING (!), it is hard to go back to what I know I won't have or see in a while. But here I am now--back in the concrete jungle, back into the groove of things. Or rather trying to find my summer groove. Meaning, I am plotting! Writing down goals, reading, researching, plotting....

Its was hard to leave home...that's my grandma watching me leave. ;(

And that's a view of the beautiful bay that i miss so dearly.

(I think the theme of this post is definitely windows.)

living in Bushwick, Brooklyn

2010-05-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

I hear it takes about a year to adjust living here in New York. Or maybe I am making up an excuse as to why I have not been keeping up with my blog....adjustment. Absorbing. But how much can one absorb without being able to express or reflect on one's surroundings, thoughts, and experiences. How much inspiration, art, random/intellectual/enraging and engaging conversations can one undergo without being able to share. Maybe I have not been able to share with the internet world, but I feel I have other outlets in conveying my daily occurrences. Absorbing and recording, but not necessarily posting? Something I would like to do more often. I would like to say I will do more often, but seriously, no promises...

I would like to share this piece though. This past semester one of the classes I took was Documentary Time-Based--basically learning the basics of sound using pro tools and editing using final cut. so for my final project I decided to work on a project that I have been really interested in. Gentrification. For the most part, my interest rooted from my observations of the neighborhoods I grew up around in San Francisco. Conversations are endless when I talk to my fellow Bay area natives about how much the Mission or the Excelsior are changing. "It used to be like this, and now it's like this..." But once I moved to Bushwick, Brooklyn, I realized that I was that new neighbor coming into a neigborhood I barely knew. I felt like I have experienced and am experiencing both sides of the coin. Which led me to my most recent project entitled, "Portraits of Bushwick: Immigration and Gentrification."

Portraits of Bushwick : Immigration and Gentrification in Bushwick from dee dee on Vimeo.

This is definitely still a work in progress. But so far, through this investigation and documentation of Bushwick, I have learned so much more about the new neighborhood I live in.

Inspired by New York

2010-03-31T16:45:00.000-07:00

A music video, a documentary, and a multi-media piece--- pieces that I admire about New Yorkers talking about New York.

Spec Boogie - Bed Stuy from Boombaye' on Vimeo.

Brooklyn Boondoggle from meerkatmedia.org on Vimeo.

Departure From a Love from Ishmael Islam on Vimeo.

bits and pieces....

2010-02-03T21:59:00.001-08:00

I like this...

2010-02-03T21:27:00.001-08:00

Fifty People, One Question: Brooklyn from Fifty People, One Question on Vimeo.

First real winter

2009-12-26T12:50:00.000-08:00

It was a Friday afternoon, and rumors were going around that a blizzard was going to hit New York 9am the next morning. I was excited just hearing about it. The first blizzard while living in NY... So I wake up the next morning a little bit past nine expecting to see snow... but none. I thought maybe, it just went around Brooklyn. And then a few hours later, I look out my window and I jump on my bed and yell, "It's snowing!!!"

Outside my window....

This holiday season definitely did not feel like past holidays... maybe its because I was not with any family this year? Or maybe its because I'm getting old? Or maybe its because I had to work on both Christmas Eve and Day? I dunno... Yesterday I had dinner with some friends who were living through their first christmas in NYC---some who lived here for years...I asked..."Why did not one go home this year?" My friend Ni responded, "One word: recession." haha.... oh, but so true.

Secrets

2009-12-15T15:26:00.001-08:00

I really like this short movie piece.

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

A night of disguises...

2009-11-18T23:30:00.000-08:00

I felt the Halloween spirit this year for the first time in a really long time;)

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Just having fun with friends....

AMAZING!!!!

2009-11-04T21:58:00.000-08:00

Just hanging out at the lobby of Parsons, planning to read and catch up on homework, when inspiration caught me by surprise. There were a few folks setting up projectors and screens, and were doing a practice run for this Friday's event. They started screening a piece, and I was glued to that TV screen. Watching it over and over....

The Eyewriter from Evan Roth on Vimeo.

After recieving the news...

2009-10-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad I followed my heart and saw Tita Lita before she passed. Thank you for your compassion, smile and open arms.

Time interviews Ken Burns about newest doc about National Parks

2009-10-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Transplanted, Processing, Cultivating

2009-10-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

So, its been a little bit over three months since I moved to New York and I haven't wrote one entry in this blog about any of my experiences. What can I say, time goes fast in this city, and when you're in the mist of adapting to a new place, starting grad school, settling down, and figuring out how to pay rent---one can be definitely be absorbed.

I currently live in Brooklyn. Bushwick to be exact. In a three bedroom apartment with two friends from the Bay Area. I started classes about a month ago at the New School, pursuing my Masters Degree in Media Studies and Film. I started to have anxiety attacks in the beginning of the semester because I was struggling to balance the endless readings and assignments with my waitress job that requires me to get home at 4 or 5am.

The "New York lifestyle" where it is quite unusual to be "nice." Where kindness is a weakness around here. Well, at least to some people I've been coming across. When the cold hearted folks start getting to be me, I remember some wise words that someone said to be..."Don't let anyone take away your spirit, your joy."

Don't get me wrong, NY is not pure evil. I love New York. I don't know if its because of the millions of people living and moving on top of each other or that because one lives in NY one must have a certain state of mind--- but New York has a certain feel to it. I don't know how to define it, and I guess I am still trying to figure it out.

Fight, No Flight.

2009-06-02T02:44:00.000-07:00

Come see my most recent project!

Saturday, June 13, 2009 4-6 pm
Exhibit Opening Reception +
documentary piece about women community leaders

Exhibit Opening Reception
FIGHT, NO FLIGHT
Women, Community & Power

Recent Projects by Jenifer K. Wofford
and Diana Diroy + Aisha Heredia

I live...

2009-05-30T02:44:00.000-07:00

I like to think I live in the moment... but I also think I live in the past. Hence why, it takes me forever to upload pictures... I like looking at them later, later, later...just when you think the magic of that moment no longer lingers, a photo can arise a memory of that moment all over again.

(Greensboro, North Carolina)

On our way to Washington D.C. in a 15-seater van!

A moment caught in time.

A tree that stood out, in what can seem like a monotonous series of legal buildings in Washington D.C.
I got one guy to look up...

Analyzing the media

2009-05-13T13:38:00.000-07:00

I like analyzing the media... and I like talking to people about the media.

Growth

2009-05-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

One of the things that Dai Sugano said during San Jose State University's Visual Journalism Day was something along the lines about being inspired at least every six months and that will be his fuel to keep on going, to keep on creating. I smiled when he said that, because I know exactly what he is talking about. But, he only needs it every six months, I crave for inspiration at least once a week, if not everyday! haha... And for the most part, my craving is fullfilled maybe once a month.

People are amazing... it is really nice to see how people grow, and how their creativity and artistic eye grow as well.

Whether it be a fellow photojournalist I met through Chips Quinn, Deanna Dent, who knows how to capture the beauty of a moment, or whether it be an old "room mate" whose growth in spirituality is evident in her music and her being, djraichous, or whether it be a friend from college whose brush strokes continue to be more bold, original, and beautiful, Annie Lou -- I am quite lucky to be inspired by my friends, and to continue on the same road that our passion leads us---whether it be photography, music, or painting...

Thank you.

As a token of my appreciation, I will try to blog more, and post up photos more often! haha.... I am known to take a bunch of photos, but never really post 'em... okay, okay... I'll start doing it...

Here are just two photos from the Chinese New Year Parade a couple months back...

More to come...

Taking the time...

2009-04-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last blogged... a lot has been going on I suppose... working on "projects," traveling with folks, and a little bit of this and that.

It's May 1st tomorrow. The beginning of a new month. I remember around this time last year, I was preparing to come back home from the Philippines. Now, I'm preparing to leave home... I've been having doubts...not quite sure if I should stay or if I should go, but I think its just me going through that phase where I weigh out my options. And there's something that is just pulling me over there... my thirst for growth...

When there's a countdown, everything around you is just magnified. Everything you wanted to do, but just didn't have time to do, seems to gain priority on the list of things to do.

I love San Francisco and I love rediscovering its treasures.

My first time...

2009-03-16T01:02:00.000-07:00

So I can finally take a breath and re-focus. For the past couple of weeks, I've been in San Jose just preparing for the SJSU Inauguration photo show... We had our opening reception this past Wednesday, March 11 and the photos will be up until April 11 on the fifth floor of the Martin Luther King Jr. Library. The photo exhibit will then move to the Joyce Gordon Gallery in Oakland on May 1.

Although it took a lot of time cutting, laminating, and mounting these prints-- it was a good experience. I learned a lot from the amount of work that goes behind an exhibit to the importance of the attention to detail. At the end, (and we're not at the end just yet)it was definitely a rewarding experience to see the end product. And it was really nice to see one of my prints blown up huge for the first time!

In between projects....

2009-03-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

I have basically been juggling projects for the past month...in between the inauguration post-production book and show, to my documentary, to wedding and event photos, to TRYING to get my website together--- my life has been in front of this computer screen for WEEKS!!!

I just finished editing through the more than 1000 photos of the Golden Anniversary Wedding I photographed in early January.

I did have the time to take a break and go to the Andy Warhol Art Show at the DeYoung Museum. I had my preconceptions before going....but I'm glad I went. NOWHERE is NOW HERE.

And here is the one piece I did for SJSU's Inauguration trip. Come to the photo show at San Jose's MLK Library on March 11, 5th floor!!!:

44 years to the 44th President from dee dee on Vimeo.

Here and there...in between Oakland and San Jose. Teaching multi-media to sixth and seventh graders... shooting. editing. living. loving....and drinking lots of tea.

"What is LOVE to you?"

2009-02-15T01:21:00.000-08:00

I watched Frida today.... it reminded me of how much I miss Mexico. But it also reminded me of Frida and Diego's crazy love story.

''I don't believe in marriage. I really don't! Let me be clear about that,'' Ashley Judd says in the movie at Frida's and Diego's wedding,''I think at worst it's a hostile political act. A way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative, religious nonsense. At best it's a happy delusion. It's two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other.'' She pauses. ''But when two people know all of that and decide, with eyes wide open, to face each other and get married anyway, well, then, I don't think it's conservative or delusional. I think it's radical. And courageous. And very romantic.'' She lifts her glass. ''To Diego and Frida.''

Legacy of a Genocide

2009-02-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

It may be hard to listen to their stories, but they deserve to be heard.

"During the 1994 genocide, Rwandan women were subjected to massive sexual violence, perpetrated by members of the infamous Hutu militia groups known as the Interahamwe. Among the survivors, those who are most isolated are the women who have borne children as a result of being raped. Their families have rejected both them and their children, compounding their already unimaginable emotional distress.

An estimated 20,000 children were conceived during the genocide in Rwanda, and many of their mothers contracted HIV during the same encounters that left them pregnant. They feel they have lost their dignity, are alone and utterly powerless.

Intended Consequences chronicles the lives of these women. Their narratives are embodied in portrait photographs, interviews and oral reflections."

I &hearts my new lense...

2009-02-08T22:37:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of photos to sort through, but as I do, I will be posting photos here and there from the East Coast / Inauguration trip.

I started shooting with a new lens that I am absolutlely in love with. I always shot with my 16-35 2.8... but I am not too fond of the distortion of my images or how huge it is. So if anyone is interested in buying it, let me know.... but I'm quite involved with the canon 28 1.8.... its not the greatest lens, but its ideal for me right now. Oh camera talk....gotta love it.

So here are a couple of shots with my new lens.

New York Subway...

Portraits of Friends...

Photos, like music, have a power to sway your emotions and invoke memories... Thoughts like this cross my mind especially when I'm looking through photos while listening to music.

Gosh, I got a bunch of stuff to do, but I distract myself by blogging... haha...

Patience

2009-02-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

So one of the things that I constantly hear from photographers that look at my work is: be more patient. As my friend Christian said, "Find a scene with characters you like and work it to death, trying everything you can think of." I need to pound those wise words into my head...

One morning, while waiting for my friend April, I stood at a corner for about 10 minutes, just watching people walk by. I didn't exactly work it to death, but I observed with patience. Which photo do you like best?

While waiting for a seat at Cafe Habana (AMAZING CUBAN FOOD!!!!!!), I stood at a corner and took these photos. Which one do you like?

Patience is a virtue. Not just in photography, but applying patience to everyday life.

After being on the road for the past three weeks, I'm back at home. Once again, digesting and reflecting. I got a bunch of things to catch up on and work on, and decisions to make that sometimes--in my own mind--- can get overwhelming.

A timeless book that I recommend to everybody is called, "The Prophet," by a philosopher and poet, Khalil Gibran. I have the book buried somewhere under all my other books, but it came upon my hands today while wandering in San Jose. The book is divided into different chapters like "Love" "Work" "Joy and Sorrow," and I found the one I was looking for "Reason and Passion."

And the priestess spoke again and said: "Speak to us of Reason and Passion."

And he answered saying:

Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite. .......

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.

If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

.......
rest in reason and move in passion.

There's a lot more to that quote, but I recommend you picking up the book.

2009....it has been an eventful year already... There is more to come, it's all about being patient.

A piece I made of MLK day...

2009-01-21T10:21:00.001-08:00

For the third year in the row, I'm on the road when it is Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. Two years ago I was in New Orleans...unforgettable. Last year I was in the Philippines, working on my documentary. And this year, I was in Washington, D.C. It has been an amazing experience...I havn't had the time to write as much as I want to, but here's a piece I produced.

And the trip comes to an end..

2009-01-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

Behind the Scenes

2009-01-13T10:30:00.001-08:00

Its been a crazy, busy, emotional trip.... Students are blogging, photographing, and producing video/multi-media packages for CNN, KTVU, etc... Here's a short piece I produced with the talented SJSU student photographers Derek Sijder and Carlos Moreno. Stay updated on CNN's ireport.com

Stay posted....

2009-01-12T00:17:00.000-08:00

http://sjsuinauguration.wordpress.com/

Ten Days to the Inauguration...

2009-01-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

For the next ten days, I will assist and help document a San Jose State University project called, "44 Years to the 44th President: Connecting Our Civil Rights Past with America's Historic Future." I am currently in Memphis, Tennessee, where our ten day road trip will begin--going thru Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina, and ending at in Washington, D.C.

Tomorrow we will go the Jackson, Mississippi, where Emmett Till was tortured and murdered.

So many emotions...but the students just got in... update later..

Scanning negatives into a postive picture

2008-12-21T00:39:00.001-08:00

I still believe in the magic of film. There is definately something more romantic about it. I rather have my image be created by the imprint of light, rather than the translation of light. The magic in the darkroom is like no other, and the smell of the chemistry is nostalgic. I dropped off my rolls of film months ago, and did not pick them up three months later because of my lack of funds to pick them up. ha... but man, I was really excited to see what were on those rolls of film.

While in the Philippines, my friend Dinelle was visiting her grandfather. Here are photos of them talking and a photo of a photo of her grandmother.

And here's a photo of a kid I was sitting behind on the bus, from Cavite to Manila.

yup...i love black and white.

Freedom of Press

2008-12-05T11:20:00.000-08:00

Wow, at the Oakland Tribune, with the Oakland police.

Everything....

2008-11-25T21:26:00.000-08:00

So what do you like taking pictures of? Ummm..... almost everything. One of my mentors--the 2008 National Association of Hispanic Journalist of the year, Mr. Ray Chavez once said to me, "There's a picture everywhere, it's just how you frame it." I love taking pictures of everything... and I wish I could shoot everyday, but I get caught up. But my passion never goes away. Sometimes it fades, but then it always comes right back around. Art and photography is what reminds my soul that I am alive. So I take any opportunity to shoot...

I've been shooting for my homies at Reignforest Collective, who have awesome parties and shows every month.

This is Feelosophy, they were amazing.

I like shooting portraits. Here is one of my friend Belinda, Nolan, and their princess to be Amaya.

I love documenting life. I love getting to know people, hearing their stories, and sharing their voices to folks who may otherwise not know what is going on. Photography is about light-- in so many ways.

When walking through my normal routine, I like to look around and capture moments that people seem to pass right by....

But I also love capturing personal moments in my life that hold a special place in my heart.

This month's cover of Juxtapoz features an amazing painter, Sam Flores, who said something I had to take note. "I think that's one thing I portray in my work, how people can go through a world so beautiful and not see any of it."

Paintings by Sam Flores.

Character Film

2008-11-25T00:38:00.000-08:00

This was originally a 3 minute character film created for a class assignment, but later I turned it into a 7 minute short piece about my grandma. Something I wanted to share with the family who couldn't be there for her birthday. So, it starts off "journalistic," but ends as a personal piece.

At 92 from dee dee on Vimeo.

Reminded why I love NYC...

2008-11-19T04:22:00.000-08:00

Once again, looking through old photos and found photos from my NY trip with SJSU in 2007. I met some interesting folks....

Artists especially...

Jewelry-maker

Photographer

Painter

And then there was a group of jedi's... like serious jedis...

Old photographs...

2008-11-18T03:38:00.001-08:00

So I'm sorting through my hard-drive, and found some photos I forgot about.

Here are some from the Diwali Festival in 2006. Looking back at these photographs, although I took them in color-- I was curious to see what they looked like in black-and-white. For some the black and white works, but for others the color works. They are all wearing beautiful colors, but I think my eye is inclined to black-and-white, what do you think?

Yeah, both my hard-drives are full, and my computer is getting full too! So I've just been looking through photos, and burning DVDs... honestly, its been tedious, but really fun for a person that has insomnia... i've been sleeping at 5:30am for the past couple of nights. A combo of jetlag and insomnia, I suppose...

Celebrating Life, Death, and everything in between

2008-11-16T01:00:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again... my favorite time of year... I'm not talking about the holidays, but rather the season of Fall. I know it started a while ago, but I really felt it when I was in Seoul, Korea. From the Philippines, I had a 12-hour lay over and because I flew with Asiana, got a complimentary "City Tour." The drive from the airport to this city is about 45mins, and throughout the whole drive, my eyes were drawn to the bright oranges, reds, and yellows that lined the streets. There's something about Fall...maybe its the intense colors that illuminate the streets and parks. maybe i like watching the leaves slowly fall and accumulate into a huge pile I could jump in. maybe because its a time of transition, from life to death, that attracts me the most...the beautiful obvious change. Whatever it is, I gasp in awe at its beauty=)

The tour took me to the Cho Kye Sa Buddhist Temple, which I must say, was my favorite part. I have been to a few Buddhist Temples, but this was the first service I went to, where it was a packed house of Buddhist monks, nuns, and attendees chanting. I don't know what they were saying, but the sound of the chants and the feel of the place was so relaxing.

So how was my trip? It was exactly what I needed to clear my mind. I got to see folks I have not seen in a while. I spent a lot of time with the family. From celebrating the Day of the Dead, to vacationing to Ilocos Norte, to visiting the new borns in the family, to celebrating birthdays of two important people in my life... it was a good trip. It was a celebration of life, death, and everything in between...

Photos of my cousin with her first born...

Ci-se, the cutest girl ever!

Chicken manok! mmmm.... sooo good!

Now, I am back in Cali, but this time with a solid goal in mind... well somewhat solid.

She's 114!!!

2008-11-10T21:16:00.001-08:00

From KobreGuide to the Web’s Best Multimedia :

http://www.latimes.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=3104619

Gertrude Baines, 114, is the world's oldest person of African descent, the third-oldest person in the world, and the second-oldest in the United States.

When she was born, Grover Cleveland was president and the U.S. flag had 44 stars. She grew up in Georgia during a time when black people were prevented from voting, discriminated against and subject to violent racism. In her lifetime, she has seen women gain the right to vote, and drastic changes to federal voting laws and to the Constitution. She is even 8 years older than the centenarian voter cited by President-elect Barack Obama in his victory speech.

And now, this Los Angeles Times video shows Ms. Baines in her convalescent home, with bedroom walls covered with birthday cards from presidents and officials from years gone by, as she casts her ballot. The daughter of former slaves has voted only once before, for John F. Kennedy. This time it’s for Barack Obama.

Length: 1:47

Video: Sachi Cunningham

Revisting...

2008-11-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

So this is the moment I found out Obama won. I was in Baguio, and my sister and I looked at eachother and cheered, as we listened to the speech he was giving in Chicago.

Revisting places and people are reminders of moments of the past and feelings I felt during a time I felt was transformative. apply, apply, apply. It's all about applying what you learned to your present actions. But sometimes its easy to get caught up in the mundane and forget...

My sister asked me today, "What does photography mean to you." All I did was look at the ceiling, sigh, and said, "Aww...photography." I did not answer her question. haha... But in my mind I did.
It's my tool to communicate what I see,
my excuse to learn more about the world,
the capturing of moments,
It is the understanding of light.
It breaks down the language barrier,
It can reawaken emotions, or awaken awareness
Laughter, sadness, nostalgia
But what does photography mean to me? It is magnified moments of life.

and thats my story...
did i mention how much i love my sis =)

I miss shooting...

2008-11-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

For some November 1st is La Dia de los Muertos, for folks in the Philippines it’s All Saint’s Day--different names but the same day that commemorates the dead, the souls, the spirits.

Yesterday, I accompanied my mom and grandma to Rosales, Pangasenan, their hometown province. My grandma wanted to visit my grandpa, who passed away more than 20 years ago, her only brother who passed away last year, and her nephew who passed away two months ago---all whom are buried in the same cemetery. Here in the Philippines, it’s a weekend celebration. Saturday is All Saints Day, and Sunday is All Souls Day. which is a big celebration where folks visit their family members who have passed, light candles, bring flowers, and sometimes sleep in the cemetery. There are vendors, a lot of food, and music---basically a party in the cemetery.

Everytime, my grandma visits her hometown, it’s always an emotional occasion. Her and her relatives hug for the first 20 minutes, and they catch up on who passed away, how they passed away, health, financial situations, memories, life….

I can’t even imagine what they are whispering about….

And Nanay got to also visit a cousin, Prosperro Bautista, she hasn’t seen in more than 20 years. It took him a couple of minutes to recall who my grandma was, but once he did, he pulled out the photo albums and the reminiscing began.

Time. My grandma’s cousin actually lives alone right now and has been for years. When we saw him, he was sitting on his front porch, next to a Christmas tree he decorated himself. He said his kids will be visiting in December, and he set up the tree early because it’s the one thing he really looks forward to.

It’s a trip how time can fly by so fast. I just turned 24 last week, and for me, birthdays are times for celebrations, but also reflections. I got to party it up with my friends, but I also did a lot of thinking of where I am now compared to where I was last year. This past year I traveled to a bunch of places, but I feel as if I am still in the same position. I have made moves, but I haven’t MADE MOVES. I’m a big dreamer, but I gotta stop dreaming, and get moving…. Make those dreams real.

Time flies. A whole year passed by with a blink of an eye. For my grandma and her cousin, I can't even imagine what the concept of time is to them...is time even relevant?

exactly...

2008-10-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

"One of the things I had to learn as a journalist was what to do with my anger. I had to use it, channel its energy, turn it into something that would clarify my vision, instead of clouding it." -James Nachtwey

James Nachtwey's wish

In the process of focusing, I ramble...

2008-10-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

I'm at that point again... I'm sitting in front of my laptop struggling to start on my writing assignments for class, and I can't help but sidetrack. I guess to focus my thoughts into essay form, I have to focus myself... and to do that is to write it out.

That urge to simply just go has been pinching at me, and is beginning to punch at me. I wonder how long I will take the abuse... haha... so entangled I feel.

It's been a long time since I last wrote. Having people to talk to, kind of takes away from the writing time. But I think it is vital to have time to write, to see your words and thoughts reflected back to you.

Sometimes it is inspiration that leads to writing, photographing, painting, creating, etc... people sometimes wait for that inspiration. Like a beautiful surprise, it can come out of nowhere- heightening your awareness of life and urging you to create. But sometimes, one has to dig to get to that inspiration. Instead of looking out, look within.

I think a lot. I dig within. I ask a lot of questions. I am curious. I have a thirst to know. I have a thirst to create.

"In the abundance of water, a fool is thirsty." Mr. Bob Marley, a wise man, once said.

Quench that thirst. Just go. do it. take it. embrace it.

I feel deeply and I think deeper. I have accepted that about myself. It's all about focusing that depth into something tangible. "Controlling the spirit in order to attain harmony, and through compassion, offer it to others." --- That, i think, is the definition of art.

still in love with black and white

2008-09-19T00:49:00.000-07:00

Shooting here and there...

2008-09-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

A photo I found while sorting through my hard drive...
a random guy on his celly in downtown San Diego...

Because of the beautiful days here in the Bay Area, I had the opportunity to take my cousin out to what the hipsters call, "The Mish."

and found some graffati artists along the way...

and a little bit of sarcastic truth...

"Watch any good multimedia lately?"

2008-08-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

The piece about India done by Jim Goldberg, was done very well...very powerful.

Step-by-step...

2008-08-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

Although I grew up in San Francisco, I feel like I'm rediscovering it all over again. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. I was always in between home and San Jose, San Diego, or somewhere else in the world, for the past couple of years-- but I saw home as somewhere in between. Whenever I was home, I always had the urge to go... pack up and leave whenever I had the chance. Never really absorbed... But for the first time, I feel like I gotta stand still for a little bit. I gotta see what standing still can offer.

I looked through my old journal entries, and read passages of just not wanting to be here because I felt there were so many places in the world to discover. But coming back, with a new state of mind since I left for college 6 years ago, I am so excited to apply what I learned to a place that has molded me. Bridging, connecting the dots, reconnecting, and discovering....

For the past couple of weeks I've been volunteering at a summer program in west Oakland helping youth create stories, then actually help them produce a short movie. And it's been amazing... definately a learning experience. From helping pull out details for their stories to teaching them photography, to introducing multi-media tools, it has been remarkable. And it's definately a breath of fresh air in between this job/gig hunting challenge I undergo day-to-day.

I've also reconnected with folks from
Reignforest Collective to do side gigs with them. I forgot how fun night photography is...

I went down to San Diego this past weekend, and shot around the Gaslamp District. Definately a fun place to shoot at night...

So, yeah, that's what I've been to. a little bit of this and that... just figuring things out. It may not be "journalistic," but I'm still shooting and still loving it. It's all a process.

In life, we all gotta make decisions. I got buddies traveling on the other side of the world pursuing dreams, some don't even have to travel far to do so...but regardless, people take risks in life---involving careers, family, and love. It's all a process... I have a thirst to do so much, and I'm taking it one step at a time.

As Ms. Erykah Badu says:

Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back

Going, going, and now at pause...

2008-07-07T17:48:00.000-07:00

Meet Chonga from Oaxaca, Mexico, (left) and Geraldo from Banaue, Philippines... Just two of the many beautiful people I've met on my recent travels...

---------------
When the sun is shining and there's not one cloud in the sky, I usually feel the urge to be outside and to enjoy what the day has to offer, hanging out with friends, meeting strangers, enjoying a brew, and taking photos. But not today... I feel like I've been doing that for the past year! I'm staying home for the next couple of days to organize, sort, and touch base. I feel like I've been on that go--almost in a dreamy state of mind, living my dream but also realizing myself and getting in touch with the different realities life has to offer when traveling. IT HAS BEEN AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! after all that flying and soaring, I now feel the need to plant my feet in one place... for now at least...

Slowly climbing down from the 242-stair Piramide del Sol created by the Aztecs... (photo credit to Elliot Taylor)

Being on that "go", is such an adventure. I was and still am addicted to that wanderlust. Connecting with strangers, meeting new life-long friends and comrads, learning from every experience, exchanging stories, and soaking in the earth's oceans, mountains, pyramids, terraces, and forests. Just living. Yes, addicted to that wanderlust--addicted to a drug I could no longer afford! So here I am, locking myself in this house for a few days--focusing on what I gotta do to get to that next step, by building from what I've learned and experienced...

I may have a nostalgic state of mind, but I think its also nostalgia that allows me to embrace what the present offers. One must live the present moment, but not forget the past. It's about applying what one has learned from the past to the present. And if not, then its like taking for granted everyone you met and experiences you lived. So with that in mind, I am trying to take every piece and fit into this puzzle I am currently figuring out. But isn't everybody?

Mexico

I went to Mexico to attend the Foundry Workshop . During the first week, I met Stanley Greene , who was my instructor during the workshop, and became acquainted with some incredible and inspiring photographers. But it was not until the end of the workshop, that I really got to know some amazing folks like Elliot Taylor , Gidi Morris , Christian Hansen , s. b. ramin, Sandy Hooper, and Iman Al-dabbagh. Not just on a photographic level, but better, personally getting to know them. If it wasn't for the week and a half after the workshop, I probably would have walked away from the trip quite disappointed for reasons I'll get into some other time... but honestly, Mexico is exactly what I needed to fill-in a space in my mind and heart I could not figure out how to fill after coming back from the Philippines.If Mexico was "epic," Philippines was a saga.

Philippines
I was not quite sure how to describe how I felt when I got back, but it could almost be described as an incomplete feeling. I found it hard to look through my thousands of photos that I had taken during the course of the six months. Personally attached? I think so. Images are very powerful. They stick out in one's mind.

My friend Christian told me that a friend of his worked on a project and it took him two years later to look through his own photos. I guess it's a process for one to detach themselves from such a personal experience. People can do it easily, and others, like me need fresh eyes to look at my photos... an outside perspective. Because damn, words cannot describe--nor can I explain, how these past few months---from the moment I decided to spend 6 months in the Philippines--and the hellos and goodbyes in between---to the moment I got back from my trip to Mexico. A chain of events all intertwined and woven together to create a tapestry so vivid in color and emotion.

The photos to the left aren't even photos from my project I've been working on about Filipino women, their struggle and resilience--- cause spending time with those women and their communities gripped my heart and will not let go... the post production part is the hardest... but these photos I've posted are threads of that same tapestry--- people whose names I may not remember, but whose eyes I've looked into. And being in countries where language may sometimes be a barrier, communicating through one's eyes and through one's smile conveys a lot. I love photography! The camera is almost an excuse for me to meet and learn from people. It's my tool of expression...

Photo taken by John Javellana

The Hellos and Goodbyes

I guess it is something one must get used to when being a journalist--- or just a traveler in general. The hellos and the goodbyes. Whether its the constant arrival and departing from family or friends at home, or the single hi and byes to people I photographed and lived with not knowing whether I will ever see them again, or the strangers who become friends along the way. It is definately bitter-sweet, but would I have it any other way?

As I sit here in front of my computer, shunning the outside world, I contemplate the past year. I did a lot of moving and going... all in the name of trying to figure out if this is the lifestyle that I want. If you ever talk to a photojournalist who has been in the business for years, they will tell you that it is a lifestyle, a way of life---full of adventure, but also a lot of sacrifice and risks.

Going to workshops or meeting other photojournalists I got exposed to the lives of these people who pursue their passion and sacrifice a lot for what they believe in. It is definately inspiring... and it really is motivating. It is one of the things that keeps me going...But that's just HALF of root of the motivation--- the other half roots from the inspiring individuals who have stories to share and whose voices need to be heard. As a photographer, you are showing their world with the rest of the world...and to be part of that--- is amazing.

The godfather of photojournalism, Henri Cartier-Bresson wrote, "I believe that, through the act of living, the discovery of oneself is made concurrently with the discover of the world around us, but which can also be affected by us. A balance must be established between these two worlds-- the one INSIDE us and the one OUTSIDE us. As the result of a constant reciprocal process, both these worlds come to form a single one. AND IT IS THIS WORLD THAT WE MUST COMMUNICATE."

For anyone and everyone who has been part of this this soul awakening journey, thank you. NAMASTE...

Oaxaca....

2008-06-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

Early morning, waking up to a beautiful town, taking in and breathing all that I can. Oaxaca... I've been in Mexico for a week and a half, and it was not until yesterday that I arrived in a town 6 hours away from Mexico City, only to wish I arrived days ago.

I know, I know....It has been more than a month since I last blogged, and as much as I want to write a long description of everything---from my travels to emotions since coming back from the motherland--- I only have a few minutes until I hop on another 5 hour ride to the Oaxaca shore. Its not like I abandoned this website...its just that everytime I start writing, I never get to finish because I got so much to express. But being in this relaxed atmosphere, just allows me to take a breath...

Don't get me wrong, Mexico City is a nice city.... but, just get away from the day-to-day hustle and bustle of what any major city offers, and take a deep breath of fresh air...

I was here for the Foundry Workshop that ended last Saturday. It was a good experience in which I met a lot of talented folks and saw a lot of inspiring work... reality checks for sure...that's a good thing and bad I suppose. Depends how you look at it... perception..Schrodinger's Cat....

Transit Trance

2008-05-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

May 16, 2008
10:40 a.m.
Hong Kong International Airport

Airports are so interesting. So many people just going… coming home, leaving home, in transit, stopping by, passing through. People searching, finding, wandering, discovering, risking, looking for a better life, wanting to run away, yearning for a vacation, on a romantic rendevous, a honeymoon, a mundane business trip, an adventure, ----waiting, walking, running, singing, talking, humming, pushing, carrying, holding, crying, laughing, hugging---excited, tired, scared, sad, hopeful, in love, sulking in heartache, asleep, awake—in between emotions, in between memories, in between countries, in between leaving and arriving…in transit.

All the above. Let’s just say a mixture of everything. Halo-halo. That’s one way to describe it. Halo-halo…A common dessert drink found on every corner in the Philippines. One of the MANY things I will miss. Halo-halo, which translates to “mix-mix” is how I feel right now. Sagada halo-halo to be exact…. I mean, I never had halo-halo like what Sagada offered….a whole mixture of crushed ice with banana, lanka, macoroni, ice-cream, flan, milk, sugar, beans, cantalope, coconut, etc… it was a surprise in every bite! But none-the less, sweet. Every ingredient was and is unique… and each a different taste… that’s how I feel. Except its not just a handful of ingredients, it’s a plethora of experiences, feelings, and memories of people I have met and places I have been, and the lessons and realizations that come with it all----mixed all together, blended together, resulting in a sweet concoction.

a tattooed heart

2008-05-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting in front of my laptop, and I'm kinda speechless in what to write. I just don't know where to begin. my gosh, this trip has been amazing. when one is about to leave a place that has permanently made a mark in her heart, things become more sweet, time spent with people becomes more valuable and yet still unbelievable. hard to grasp. that's what it is... until I'm on that plane overlooking the vast Pacific Ocean and am in the clouds will I be in that "transit trance."

I wanted to come back to the states with a "piece" tattooed on my back. I started sketching it out in the beginning of the trip and kept on adding several elements that symbolized significances and aspects of this trip, this pilgrimage, this "lakaran." Instead of coming back with tattooed flesh, I'm coming back with a tattooed heart. Yes, yes, corny as that sounds, but how else can I put it...it has definately been a perspective-changing, heart-molding, mind-stimulating, soul-digging-and-finding- kind-of-trip.

Time definately went by fast. I've met a lot of people and thankful for EVERY second.

damn....hours before i leave. too many emotions to describe. too be continued.... still in the process...

no camera, just painting with my words

2008-05-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

when your heart won't let you sleep, it has to mean something. for the past couple of nights, its either really hard for me to sleep or I've been waking up in the middle of the night. I'm not quite sure why. I do have a feeling of anxiety tho. I don't know if it is because I'm so close to going home, or because I'm leaving a place I have come to call home.
today it hit me the hardest. I woke up a little bit before 5am, just before the sun rise, when the morning seems so fresh with a hint of orange coming up in the horizon, the roosters crowing, and all the birds singing their morning songs. I swung on my hammock, with a cup of cold water thinking it could calm my heart. its the in between time. between sleep and wake. when last night's events slowly catch up to you, contemplation about things said, and feelings felt. when it gets all to much to bear, and you know you can't go back to bed, what did i decide to do? ride my bike.
there's something about early mornings that give one's soul a kind of peace. riding on empty streets, that as the sky gets brighter, people slowly wake to sweep their front yards, feed their chickens, warm up their jeepneys, or start opening up their small shops. there's something about the nice light too. how it hits the pavement or the wooden houses with a soft orange glow, or how it reflects in the puddles that i love passing my wheels right through leaving a trail of a contemplating bike rider. it's early morning when the sun doesn't beat down on you, but gently kisses your skin, slowly waking up your senses.
Awake.
After watching the hint of orange take shape into an orange ball, I turned around, and backtracked passing by the puddles I splashed through, and the streets that seemed to be more awake. Thinking that I could just exhaust myself back to sleep, I headed to my bedroom, only to have my restless heart beat more heavily. My heart is trying to tell me something, and I could only draw it out through writing, typing, reflecting...

Capturing and realizing the present moment is an art

2008-05-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

When describing Baguio, I think my friend Sonia put it best, "Temporary insanity, lucid interval," For some people, Baguio is a weekend getaway or a short vacation, and for some it is home. For me, why do I love Baguio so much? I don't know. Maybe because it reminds me a lot of home- the weather, the diverse art scene, the hills, the warm people, etc. I really can't explain why, but I practically spent the whole last month traveling in and around Baguio and the Cordillera Mountains. The bus and jeepney rides may have been long and bumpy, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

There's something about being in transit--- on a long bus ride with strangers, heading in the same direction in silence only accompanied by the passing scenery and one's thoughts. It's reflection time. Reflecting about what one has left behind and what one is about to approach. It's in the idle time of being in transit that one laughs to herself, and quietly closes that chapter, accepts it, and gets ready for another. The closing of one chapter, does not mean the end of the connections that one has made in that particular part of her story, but rather its reviewing that chapter-- studying it, and taking every lesson one can take from it, only to not forget but to go forward with a renewed frame of mind and being. I'm not just talking about this one trip to Baguio, nor am I talking about this whole six-month trip in the "motherland," this chapter review can happen every passing day. On a bus, taxi, plane, MRT or BART, or on a road trip-- its when the vehicle is in motion, and YOU are at a stand still. Everything around you is moving, along with the thoughts in your brain, and even if you are sitting in that seat, your body is there, but your mind is pulled into depths of the past and the future.

I guess that's why I really do not mind public transporation, traveling on my own, or just "going" in general... It's a time when I get to have my own chapter review.

But when I am in the presence of others- whether it is shooting, or at a social gathering, or with family or friends- one on one or in a group setting-I am there. The present moment. Or at least I really try to be. Sometimes it is so hard to grasp because our minds have the ability to go in every which direction, so I consider it an art. It takes realizations, experiences, and mistakes to grasp the importance of the present moment. One may argue that as a photographer one really is not grasping that particular moment for what it is because we have a camera in front of our face. But, the present moment is relevant to everyone. I frame mine literally with my eye and my camera, and you frame yours with your mind. Even if I have a camera in my face and am clicking away, does not mean I am not mentally there. I'm absorbing that moment, framing that moment, recording that moment. My camera is an extension and an expression of me, and its presence already effects that moment.

Maybe my nostalgic state of mind is why I became a photographer, trying to capture every moment I can. What can I say, I'm in love with the world, its people, and the stories that are presented in the present. It becomes a piece of the past that I could share with someone in the future.

Probably one of the main reasons why I love Baguio is because I learned one of most important lessons from one of my inspirations, Mr. Kidlat Tahimik. Listen to your "sariling duwende" or little voice inside, that "unique indigenous spirit in each of us," that unique creativity that every single person has. It's your own frame of mind that you listen to, use, and apply, when performing and creating your art. It's been with you since birth and has developed throughout your life and experiences. No one has a life exactly like yours, and that is what makes your "sariling duwende" your eye, and your art different and unique. It's just about learning how to listen to it and then apply it.=)

I've learned so much throughout this whole journey. I love it! I may not be in transit, but I'm definately in reflection mode. Time is counting down, but that doesn't matter, only now does!!! Live it, learn it, love it!
------
The fire that keeps me warm tonight, will only be ashes tomorrow.
And tomorrow's ashes are evidence that there was a fire today.
And if the future's winds sweeps those ashes away,
the memory of the fire is what will keep me warm.
-me

Ay, bigat!! In english, "Gosh damn, that's heavy!"

Finally...

2008-04-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

So on my way back from Abra, while on a 12 hour jeepney ride, I get a text from across the ocean informing me of the great news. It was an automatic BIG smile =)

Filipino WWII veterans win Senate vote on military benefits

It could be considered too late because thousands already have died without getting their benefits, but, knowing some of the veterans personally, I'm glad their fight is over. They won. Can't wait to get back to the bay to congratulate them myself=)

Road Trippin....

2008-04-21T04:26:00.000-07:00

So before I embark on another journey through the mountains, I wanted to at least give a little snippet of these past two weeks.

It started as a trip to Sagada with my cousin, and continued on to one adventure after another. A festival in Bontoc, then three nights in Sagada--hiking to a waterfall, finding hanging coffins in Echo Valley, and a 3-hour journey through an underground river with squeaking bats along connection caves.

Followed by an bumpy 6 hour bus ride back to Baguio. Bummed around here and there to surprisingly meet with my uncle and aunt who are visiting from Alaska---who so happened to be going to Sagada. I had to join them again! So after three nights in Baguio, spent another six hours in a van back to beautiful Sagada--which led me to a bus and jeepeney ride to the WONDERFUL Banaue Rice Terraces. So wonderful, its referred as the "eighth" wonder of the world.

I know the pace I am describing these two weeks is quite fast, but let me tell you, time stops when I'm here along the Cordillera Mountains. Breathing in her fresh air, meeting the warm people here, absorbing the simplicity of life, walking through forests, climbing mountains, exploring dirt paths, and my most favorite of all dipping my feet in the rice terraces--learning how to harvest, taking photos, and talking to the farmers who spend 10-12 hours a day with their backs bent only to be paid three dollars a day. My trip through the terraces would not have been complete without feeling the muddy earth in between my toes.

I'm supposed to be somewhere in India right now... But as everyday passes, I'm glad I stuck to my gut.

(These two photos taken by talented photographer John Javellana)

The crazy photogs I was forced to cook for...haha...joke lang, but not really. Chicken manok!

the little things, there's nothing bigger

2008-04-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

a clip of a favorite scene of a favorite movie with one of my favorite songs...ladies and gentelmen we are floating in space.

so it's down to the last month of this "lakaran"-- or pilgrimage, or journey to the motherland.

i've been feeling quite homesick lately. quite so...

(photo by bigmikelakers on flickr)

yes, that is a photo of the 280... i loves it. April 2nd marks the bday of three dear people in my life. Happy Birthday Maricel, Daniel, and Happy 92nd Birthday Manong Hernando. He's the leading man in my documentary about the WWII Filipino Veterans. The last time I saw him, he was in tears, and that brought me to tears. I remember when I first met him, he was so charming and very sharp...always smiling. I would visit him at the veteran center in San Jose and he would always want to dance. "Did you bring your dancing shoes," he would ask me every Sunday.
He is a great man and is always open to share his war stories and how he still and will continue to fight for what is rightfully his and thousands of other veterans. But the last time I saw him, he was not doing too well. He can't walk on his own anymore, he fell and broke his hip. According to his daughter, he falls a lot. I don't know how he is doing right now, but I hope he is having a great birthday. I do miss doing the cha-cha with him tho...

"Lakaran"

2008-04-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

Just a quote I like...
"In life, each person can take one of two attitudes: to build or to plant. The builders might take years over their tasks, but one day, they finish what they're doing. Then they find they're hemmed in by their own walls. Life loses its meaning when the building stops.

Then there are those who plant. They endure storms and all the many vicissitudes of the seasons, and they rarely rest. But unlike a building, a garden never stops growing. And while it requires the gardener's constant attention, it also allows life for the gardener to be a GREAT ADVENTURE.

Gardeners always recognise each other, because they know that in the history of each plant lies the growth of the whole World."
-Paulo Coelho

Just a thought I had....

I remember back in eighth grade one of assignments was to write a paper starting with the quote, "Life is a journey, not a destination." I got a D, on that paper, and I don't remember what I wrote... but its been 10 years, and that quote still lingers. Eh, I guess as an eighth grader about to graduate and go into high school, Mr. Norris and Mr. Scaramuzzo had the intention for us to at least think about the new door that was awaiting to be open. Since then, I'm not quite sure how many doors I've opened, closed, passed through, stood at the doorway, or heard the knock only to leave it unanswered.

Not just an ad... I may not like the product, but I love the message, and the cinetography. Beautiful.

Pieces

2008-03-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

So after being computerless for weeks, I finally get to edit through some of my photos.
I felt almost "discombobulated," without one. odd, i know... i once was anti-digital--weren't we all-- but I guess after a days' or weeks' work of photographs, I don't feel like I have fully absorbed the photos I took. Editing through photos is like reflection time for me. I guess that is why it takes me forever to get people their photos. Besides the editing process, everytime I look at a photo I relive the moment. I've always been nostalgic in nature...

Funerals are probably one of the hardest things to shoot. it was particularly hard to shoot the funeral of Adelaida Legaspi, the only sister of one of the Nanays I'm documenting. What made this funeral especially hard was the actual burial. Nanay's family had no money to give her sister a proper burial, so they had to settle for a free space in North Cemetery. This free space was at the back of the cemetary, surrounded by garbage and sewage, resting at the very bottom of other caskets--which all rested under homes in which people reside in. (If you are not familiar with North Cemetaryits not only home for the dead, but also for 10,000 living.)
It was hard seeing Nanay and her family bury her sister. What really upset the family was that because the casket couldn't fit in the "free space" they had to take off the top of the casket--exposing her--and then push her in. That was really hard to see, but must have been especially for Nanay and her family. They couldn't afford to give her the burial they wanted to give her... that stung. and that hurt.

This project I am working on and the people I have met because of it, is one of the contributing factors as to why I'm staying and not going to India. Yup, after a LONG internal debate and after resisting what I knew my heart was already saying, I finally started to cancel the plane tickets. Yup, they were already bought, and the dates were set, but one part was missing, my complete heart. it was definately torn, and i don't want to get into the details of the weighing scales, but let's just say, I'm used to putting a lot of stuff on my plate and overworking myself. I always seem to jump to the next chapter without ever completely finishing the current one. And this chapter definately needs to be written out. I just hope the main character finds what she's looking for.

While decisions are being made, challenges are put before me. Like, for example, my 16-35mm lense locking up and my camera just breaking!!! well at least not turning on at all. i was quite devestated when i found out, went a little crazy, but i'm now at the acceptance stage...haha... just figuring out to fix this dilemma. it shall be solved =)

Overall, how am I doing? I'm alright. My bro is in town and will be leaving tomorrow. His presence reminded me too much of home--which isn't a bad thing at all--just got the homesick blues... but it's all good, as I do look forward to the rest of this adventure.

Living

2008-03-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to blog, but I must say, having my laptop breakdown has discouraged me from sitting down and updating. And with the possibility of delaying my trip to India due to no access to the Indian Embassy here in Manila, has gotten me pretty aggravated. But nonetheless, these obstacles are allowing me to see how much I actually do want to go out there. At first I was having doubts because I don't know much about that country, I don't know the language, and I don't know what to expect... but it's another adventure I want to take.

So, I got less than a month until I leave for India. Hopefully. With time so limited, I find myself trying to do everything I can before leaving. And that includes finishing the current documentary I am working on.

For eight days Aisha and I were in Sulu, an island in Mindanao, that is occupied by U.S. military forces and is known for the presence of rebel groups like Abu Sayaff and the MNLF. Sulu, doesn't have a very good reputation in the media. For example, Abu Sayaff is known for their kidnappings of tourists, beheadings, and ransoms. Also, the day before departing on an 8-hour boat ride to Sulu from Zamboanga, there was a bombing at a kareoke bar, where six were critically injured. And just a month prior, there was the Ipil Massacre. LA Times writer, Paul Watson, wrote:

"Within minutes, Cpl. Ibnun Wahid, 35, was dead, along with seven other villagers, including two children, age 4 and 9, two teenagers and two women, one of them pregnant."

So one could imagine, the type of atmosphere and political climate we were approaching. Once in Jolo, there was a strong military presence almost on every corner. I could hear loud and fast jet planes flying overhead everyday. We met and interviewed residents of Sulu, who have been directly affected by the ongoing conflict and U.S. occupation of the island. Arguments go back and forth as to why the U.S. military is there...residents say its because of the abundant natural resources of Sulu and Mindanao. Some say that Mindanao is the next "Middle East" where the U.S. is and will soon be using the land and its people for its oil. Other explanations as to why the U.S. is present is because of "medical missions," to help the people of Sulu.... whatever the case, one could feel the intensity simply by walking down the street or even looking out the window. Sulu definately has a different feel to it.

But regardless, it was an amazing experience and I had the opportunity to meet and talk to some amazing women leaders. March 8 was International Women's Day, and I'm really glad we got to be in Maimbung, Sulu --- actually where the Ipil Massacre took place a month ago. Working with these Bangsomoro women inspired me and encouraged me. I took hundreds of photos, but here is only a few...just a sneak peak:

Meeting the people I have met while documenting, hearing their stories, and learning so much from them-- enriches my soul and allows me to grow. So, I find this kind of "work," not work, but rather something i truly enjoy and look forward to. I may complain of how the world is, but it doesn't mean I'm depressed or I want to give up on it. Quite the opposite. Witnessing the ugliness of the world and what it could do to people and their dreams can be quite depressing to see, but witnessing their will to overcome such obstacles is quite inspiring.

It's not just work...I'm living, absorbing, observing, and experiencing...although, I must admit, I forget to breathe at times... But regardless, let me live.

Born Into Brothels

2008-02-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

I've always wanted to watch this movie, and i even bought the dvd for a friend because i knew someday i wanted to borrow it from him and watch it. But since I'm thousands of miles away from home---and from Iowa---I gotta rely on google video.

If you havn't heard about Born Into Brothels, its a documentary about kids growing up in Calcutta's Red Light District. Zana Briski is a photographer who gives them cameras, in which they use to shoot their surroundings and their daily lives, learn the art of photography, and become photographers themselves.

It's a beautiful documentary, so if you got about an hour to spare, watch it =)

Disconnected to Reconnect

2008-02-22T03:08:00.000-08:00

Time was suspended in between the sky's clouds and the land's mountains, in a small town called Lubuagan.

Before I embark on another journey to the mountains this weekend--the Cordillera Mountains for the Panagbenga: Baguio Flower Festival--I wanted to share my experiences with last week's trip through the north of Luzon to the Kalinga Mountains. It was truly an amazing experience.

An excerpt that I wrote in an email to a close friend of mine read, "Seriously one of the highlights of my life was riding atop on a jeepney through the Kalinga mountains, rivers, forests, and waterfalls on an unpaved road for three hours to a small village hidden in the mountains. It was surreal. And having moments like that when I do feel mother nature, mother goddess, god, the spirit, the divine, and all that is love, I feel so "high", so close to myself and to the soul of the world. Its moments like those that I truly feel the present moment and everything before and after is a part of that moment...everything matters and nothing else does at the same time... its when I do feel the most alive."

I know pretty deep, but shoot, being so close to mother nature, one can't help but feel spiritual. Here is a pic of me on top of the Jeepney.

Here's another of the landscape that I witnessed for three hours!

The trip was only supposed to be two-days for the 13th Annual Ullalim Festival in Tabuk,but it turned out to be a week's adventure through Northern Luzon. The Ullalim Festival is 4-day celebration marking Kalinga's 13th Foundation Day, in which Kalinga and Apayo became seperate provinces. It's a celebration that brings the different indigenous tribes of the region together.

Following the festival and the trip to Lubuagan, the gang-- who just until recently were strangers to eachother-- went our seperate ways. Paulette to Japan, Paul to Manila and Kulot to Baguio, while Aisha and I proceeded north.

At Pagudpud, Illocos Norte. Saud Beach also known as the "Boracay of the North"

We also stopped and passed through Laoag to meet with my Tito Oscar. He took us to Paoag. The North definately has a different feel to it--very peaceful, clean, and the people so warm. Since everyone in the North speaks Illocano, I definately was reminded of both my Grandma and Mom. The Illocano dishes and the language... the North is rich in culture and natural beauty.

In Paoay

In Vigan, Illocos Sur

Baluarte's mini zoo. Cute ain't he....

Vigan is the oldest surviving Spanish colonial city in the Philippines. Hence the really old, yet beautiful architecture.

I had to take a photo of this church looking McDonald's....crazy...

Overall, it was a great adventure. I must admit that I was not so interested in traveling North before-- I don't know why. But so glad that I did. Definately a beautiful surprise. Just another reason as to why I am so in love with the Philippines... A disconnection from the rest of the world for a reconnection with myself=)

Seriously, what have I been up to...

2008-02-03T06:29:00.000-08:00

One of my new year's resolutions this year was to stay connected--- meaning, trying to blog as often as I can. I havn't been doing that as often as I want to or intended to.... I apologize! So, allow me to take you through a visual trip of a couple of things I been up to....

One of the things I did was revisit Jerry, the man I photographed in Kawit, Cavite, whose house got demolished because of the road widening and development of the city.

It felt really good to see him and his family again. I have this thing where I don't forget about the people I photograph---i don't think any one can really forget, but I mean, I try to at least see how they are doing... call it attachment, but I call it being a human being. I didn't go there with intentions to further my photo piece of them, but merely just to say hello and see if there was any progress with their situation. I wanted to see if, by any chance, did the publishing of their story, help them at all... I met them in August, and saw them this past December before Christmas. Jerry doesn't fish anymore, but sorts through trash and is a barber as a part-time gig. Their situation hasn't changed much. His two kids still go to school without wearing any shoes...

Jerry's story is one of many throughout the Philippines. I went to Baseco, one of the poorest areas in Manila, where I met up with the "Nanays" who are fighting to keep their homes. Like Jerry, residents living in Baseco are told to leave their squatters.

This is a home of one of the Nanay's. During the stormy season's, since their homes are not on solid ground but built atop land fill, their homes are torn down and rebuilt. Their homes move around, literally.

The purpose driven woman...

A sea full of garbage that makes up the shore of the beach these residents live right next to. Yes, those are my red boots...

This is a white-sanded beach that was supposed to be a resort a long time ago. But instead garbage and waste line the shore of this beach.

I found these kids digging up dirt for work.

It took me a while to upload these photos and to write about it... I'm not quite sure why. I guess its my process of processing... I admire these Nanays for showing us around and sharing their stories of everyday struggle. I look forward to continue to work with them.

I actually ran into them while I was shooting a protest last week. Two weeks ago was Social Action Week, and one of the events I covered was the Anti-war, Anti-American Occupation in Mindanao protest. Click here to watch a piece Aisha, a talented writer and poet, and I made:
Social Action in the RP.

Well, besides all that, I've been reading a lot, soul searching, fact finding, learning a lot, and I finally got a bike, so I look forward to waking up 6am just to ride to the bakery and pick up some fresh pan de sal, a Filipino bread. mmmmmm.....

And on that note, I will leave with a quote...

"The heart in its purity knows no boundaries.
Its only longing is to connect with other hearts.
Samples of tissues taken from live hearts beat in their own rhythms.
Laid together touching in a petri dish, they instantly begin to beat together.
This is alchemy. The transformation from separation to wholeness."

-text found by Perry Argel in Melbourne on the seat of a citytrain
(from Katrin de Guia's "Kapwa: The Self in the Other.")

Another dose of inspiration...

2008-01-25T03:05:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to meet this man at the VII workshop this past October. At that time Marcus Bleasdale was a guest photographer, but later became a part of VII. When he spoke, his words reflected the passion he had, and his photos spoke of the intensity of the conflict in the Congo. This is about a 12 minute piece, but every piece of the documentary--- the stills, the video, the interviews, and the audio keep you glued to the screen and after watching such a piece forces you to think... "What can I do?"

I think a lot of photojournalists get into the field because they want to somehow make a difference in the world-- they believe in the power of the image. And it amazes me to see photographs that reflect not only the person in front of the lense, but also the person behind it--their compassion, their strength, their heart, their eye.

Some people think--- I being one of them sometimes-- that being a documentary photographer isn't enough to help the person, people or cause they are reporting on. I fall into that internal debate telling myself, "Maybe what I'm doing isn't enough to help..." Then I come across a piece like this, and I REGRET even thinking that photography doesn't have the power to make a difference. Images bring stories to the surface... it is that droplet that causes ripples sometimes we ourselves cannot see.

Sebastian Salgado once wrote: "The documentary photographer must have to show one person's existence to another."

A year ago today...

2008-01-22T11:02:00.001-08:00

Being thousands of miles away from the states I’m not in touch with the local or national news… so I forgot it was Dr. Martin Luther King Junior’s birthday, which in turn triggered memories of New Orleans.

Last January, I went with students from San Jose State University and met other college students from New Orleans, New York, Oregon, etc—all wanting to contribute their time and effort to help residents who have been forgotten after Hurricane Katrina swept their homes and their lives away.

Because of last year’s experience at St. Bernard Parish, every passing MLK Day will forever remind me of New Orleans.

One thing I do regret from that whole trip is not being able to produce a piece. I donated prints to the Gulf Coast Civics Works Project and got photos printed in the San Jose Mercury News, but I didn’t get to create a piece. I had so many photos, video clips and audio but I never got to put it together. Something was holding me back… time constraints because I jumped right into the Oakland Tribune when I got back from the trip? Laziness? I don’t know… I think I go through this internal debate after working on a personal project, telling myself that it has to be perfect, so I start it, but I keep on putting it off…not wanting to finish it because I know it won’t fulfill my own expectations… But its really unfair because the stories and photos don’t get to be shared with the rest of the world, and are trapped in my hard drive and is only found when nostalgia forces me to open up that folder and go down memory lane, only to spark emotions that I felt during that week in New Orleans.

A year has passed and I feel horrible that I havn’t created a piece… So, even though I know this is FAR from done, here is a snippet of what I started but never finished… i owe it to all the folks of Louisiana Winter 2007..(L-Dub!)Keep in mind, the quality is HORRIBLE as I am figuring out how to compress files, edit, and all that jazz...

Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Being that Bridge

2008-01-20T02:46:00.000-08:00

I've had this conversation with a couple of people before, and I've been wanting to "blog" about this, but because I feel I am still in the process of figuring it out, I didn't want to put it out there yet. But everyday is part of the process, andeveryday adds to my book of observations and realizations that may contradict or support my prior observations, but I think I am at a point where I need to just put it out there... so consider this entry a part of the process.

Where is this all going??... well, it's about identity. A struggle I feel a lot of people are going through and figuring out themselves... Sure, everyone goes through the "who am I?" phase, but I'm NOT talking about self-discovery, but rather the identity one is forced to realize, because of what others are identifying you as...And in my case, it's being a Filipino-American.

When I first got to the Motherland, I was really struggling to figure out where I fit in here. It wasn't necessarily a goal of mine, nor was it a conscious decision to make it a goal of mine, but because of my own observations of how I was treated by my family, friends and strangers, my analyzations were on overdrive. And if I didn't figure it out, I would go crazy. And what helped me out was talking to other Balikbayans, and other friends of mine who have experienced the same situations in their own homelands.

There are certain stigmas and stereotypes that come with being from America. First of all, you MUST be wealthy, and according to a former mayor of Cavite, "you must be spoiled." I came across this man a month ago at a Christmas party and whose first words to me were, "All Americans are spoiled." And also according to this man, apparently I'm NOT Filipino. In fact, I'm American--- although, both my parents were born in the Philippines, went to school and got degrees in the Philippines, and my ancestors tilled and worked in the fields of the Philippines--including my beautiful grandmother who worked in the fields of Pangasinan at the age of 6 and had to go in hiding in the mountains when the Japanese invaded the Philippines during WWII-- despite all that history--- I am not Filipino, but rather American. "Well, I was born in America, but I got Filipino blood running through my vains," I said. "You are an American," he said with certainty, "And all Americans are spoiled."

Yes, those words and his attitude did upset me very much. But I had to let it go, because the truth is, everyone will have their pre-judgements about you, no matter who you are. I guess it hurt because it was a culminating point-when past statements by others were already building up, and his statement was the cherry on top. It was quite ironic, because that same day I had a conversation with my good friend Evelyn about self-identity. She was actually in her own motherland of Nicaragua as well, and we were both facing similar realizations.

"Neither Filipino, or American." When I'm in the states, I don't feel entirely "American", because I am a minority. My parents are both immigrants who came to America in search for better opportunities. My mom used to be a college professor here, and my dad used to work and travel all over the world. And now, they are working their hardest--my mom works overtime till sometimes 5 or 6am, my dad works two to three jobs at a time-- just to keep afloat in America's middle class. I feel like I am a Filipino in the states, yet, when I am in the Philippines, I am not Filipino, but rather American. So where is home and who, or what am I?

"A new breed," Evelyn said. But I like to think of people like us--whether Filipino-American, Nicaraguense-American, Japanese-American, Chinese-American, or Mexican-American... I like to think we are the bridges to both our cultures. We can't deny we are American, and we can't hide our skin color or our physical features...and it's not about picking one or the other, but rather bridging two parts of our identity, in order to establish a better understanding for both cultures, and for ourselves. On one side of the bridge, there will be people with stereotypes of people are on the other side of the bridge... and we're not tourists traveling on that bridge, but rather we are that bridge.

So with all this going through my head--and much more-- I was very interested in a multi-media piece that one of my mentors, Oakland Tribune photographer Ray Chavez, did about Mayans from Guatemala who immigrated to the Bay Area in search for jobs to support their families.

After seeing the piece, I had to email him. This is an excerpt of what I wrote:

"After watching the slideshows, looking at your stills, and reading the article I couldn't help but feel touched and very interested in the story because i feel its a story almost every immigrant goes through. I am here in the Philippines, and I'm learning a lot about myself, my family, and the struggles of my people. When I was reading the article, I kept on nodding my head in agreement, because everyone here looks to the U.S. not just for a better life, but just to make money for their families here. And its a struggle, to support one's self in the states, while trying to support their whole family in their homeland-- whether it being Guatemala or the Philippines. Not only does an immigrant have to face the financial struggle, but also the cultural differences and sometimes racism from others when working here in the states.

Another thing that popped out to me was the beauty of their homes in Guatemala and the simplicity of life. In the provinces in the Philippines, people get up in th morning and tend to their farms or the pigs and cows..and they are surrounded by acres and acres of greenery and mountains in the distance, and a river where they bathe and do their laundry... and some have to leave their children, parents, loved ones just to make money for their families."

Being that bridge, also means bridging stories that somehow correlate to yours. The world is interconnected in so many ways, and I figured the more one figures things out about themselves, the more one realizes how connected you are to the rest of the world...

Evelyn wrote about her experiences in her motherland, and I couldn't help but note the similarities between Nicaragua and the Philippines--two developing countries, and how a lot of other western-influenced countries are going through the same thing. Just replace Nicaragua with the Philippines or any other developing country, and its a boat that floats down the same path...

Photos by Evelyn Teresita Ibarra

Nicaragua is two worlds in one : a poor (real) world and a rich world where only a few hundred in the whole country are wealthy.

Unstable politics.
Crumbling economy.
People in pain, hoping for better, but getting nothing.
Politicians make promises...then break them.
Children hope, children dream, children cry.
Mothers hope their babies will make it through the night.
Fathers hope they'll make it home from work alright.
A Child dies, a mother cries.
A belly stretches from hunger.
A child washes windows for change.
A man shines shoes for a living.
A woman sells watermelons for a living .
Another woman sells candy.
Another woman sells herself.
Happiness and sorrow fills the air.
Prayers to God.
Prayers for better times.
No response..He must be busy.
Nothing to do but to live.
An illiterate child just picked another coffee bean.
Another teen committed suicide.
Another kid joined a gang.
More corporations.
Happy Meals for children..happiness in a box...but no one can afford it.
Pizza Hut.
Payless.
Nike.
Coca-Cola.
American this..American that.
The fight for social change.
The desire for improvement.
The need for more.
The struggle to live.
Nicaragua is beauty surrounded by turmoil.
The culture stays strong. The people stay strong.

The Quiapo Festival

2008-01-10T23:01:00.000-08:00

The calm before the storm
Anticipation and energy building
feeling and knowing of what is about to approach
the screams getting louder, the energy becoming stronger
waves crashing harder

the storm is here, pushing fiercely current after current

motivated eyes. hopeful eyes.
pores drenched with sweat
arms and hands pushing,
pulling
rushing
just to be a part of the eye of the storm.

Wow...

2008-01-04T00:04:00.000-08:00

Once again, he ceases to amaze and inspire me. Mr. Dai Sugano photographed, produced, and edited this piece called, Uprooted. The shots, cinetography, and the way it was all put together in different chapters is simple, but creative. His way of storytelling, is amazing.... and like what Shaminder said, Dai shows that there is no formula.

To watch, hear, and learn the stories of two Sunnyvale residents who fought for their homes, but were forced to move regardless...or simply to be inspired by this six-month long project.... click here:

The Christmas Season in the Motherland

2007-12-22T07:10:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of years I’ve lost the “Christmas spirit” or maybe my perception of the idea of the Christmas spirit changed. Whatever the case, hearing about how Christmas is celebrated in the Philippines, I thought I could possibly rekindle that warm Christmas feeling. The excitement of the day nearing and the satisfaction that comes from just giving presents… but its about three days away from the 25th, and I feel farther away from Christmas than ever... its not a bad thing, because I’m loving it here in the Motherland…

The Philippines is a very religious country, which predominantly practices Catholicism. There is Islam and several other Christian sects, but the Catholic religion seems to be the most common in and around Manila. One can hear Christmas songs starting in September, throughout the “-ber” months- October, November, and December. Kid carolers go door to door singing Tagalog Christmas songs, receiving pesos for sharing their voices and Christmas cheer. And the countdown to Christmas starts nine days before the 25th, which marks the beginning of Simbang Gabi, in which every morning mass begins at 4:30 am.

From mass people then either go to school, work, or what seems to be the most favorite pastime here: shopping. Malls are landmarks here in the Philippines! I don’t want to go off on a tangent about consumerism and materialism, but those -isms are deeply saturated in the Filipino culture---western thought, media, and style have crossed the ocean and is mostly accepted and growing by the minute! “It’s development, it’s growth, it’s good for the economy,” I suppose one can believe that, but all I see is my own roots slowly disappearing, as the American colonization still continues til this very day…using the media as their own tool to control… but ANYWAY…

"Lil Flesh" is found in the middle of Divisario wearing a grill.
Shopping chaos.

A parol, which is a Filipino lantern, made out of Coke cans? How more western influenced can one get. Yet, very creative....but still there are huge christmas trees made out of Pepsi cans found at the malls...

That was my tangent… I could go on… but its still an ongoing analyzation in my head that I am still in the process of…

But switching gears… Last week, I went to the Dutdutan 2007 Philippine Tattoo Xpo, and had a crazy great time. As the non-stop buzzing of the needles could be heard throughout the whole event, I took a whole bunch of photos, met other photogs and artists, watched and listened to local bands, and got another tattoo! Sike, I wish! I will though…..especially after witnessing some amazing work of the tattoo artists over here. I had some friends visit these past couple of weeks, and before one of them left, he got a tattoo of the map of the Philippines. It was done by Ricky Sta. Ana of Skinworkz, who did an amazing job.

Photos from the xpo:

I fell through a flight of stairs….

2007-11-30T18:22:00.000-08:00

I went to my dad’s hood in Taywanak where I’m related to everyone on one solid block. It is either you’re my cousin, my uncle, aunt, or my dad’s first cousin, a niece or nephrew- some kind of relation. It my cousin Daniel’s 7th birthday, and here in the Philippines, when someone turns 7 or 18 it turns out to be a huge fiesta where everyone is invited. Everyone knew who I was but I had to be reintroduced to everyone. It was cool taking shots with the drunk uncles…haha… their pretty funny. But I think the most memorable thing of yesterday’s celebration was falling through some stairs…. Such a Diana thing to do!

It was raining the whole day, and there’s a “bahay kubo”- a kind of outdoor tree house made of wood and bamboo. There was loud music playing from the bahay kubo, Avril Levine, Fergie, and other music considered popular out here. So in pursuit of trying to play something more pleasing, I climbed up the stairs as my cousin’s friend was about to go down the stairs, which caused the whole staircase to collapse! Haha… I was more in shock then in pain…and everyone was laughing at both of us. My ankle was bleeding, got a few bruises, but nothing major. Just a little sore today….haha…

So it’s been a little bit over then a week….what have I been up to? Where do I begin?!?! Ummm… the first couple of days were settling in with the fam. Then one day met up with Paolo, another photojournalist out here. We went to a video launch called the “State of the Philippine Penal System.” Apparently, it was this big event where the Chief Justice Renato S. Puno was present, and I had no idea. But it was definitely inspiring. There were 5 short film viewings about the penal system in the P.I. I’m pretty sure that some of you are probably familiar with one of them from youtube, “Dancing for Discipline.” I think the documentary was produced and edited really well… it was quite funny and entertaining. The documentary we watched wasn't from the clip on youtube, but rather the doc was inspired from it.

I’ve also attended some classes at UP Manila. One of them is Filipino History, we’re covering WWII and reading the text, “The Philippines:The Continuing Past,” by Renato and Letizia Constantino. I also attending Developmental Studies in Third World Development- seems like a really interesting class. We watched Mail-Order Wife, a mock-documentary by the same producers of Swingers and Go. Although I didn’t get to finish the whole movie, I highly recommend it. It got me infuriated just thinking about how women are bought and treated…and the stereotypes of women… something to think about.

I’ve also just been connecting with people out here. Fishing for story ideas and organizations I may be interested in working with. I’ve been COMMUTING a lot! The traffic out here is insane! Although, Cavite is only the next city over from Manila, it takes 2 to 2 ½ hours just to get home! The buses are ALWAYS crowded… I don’t mind it too much, cause I’m seeing a lot of the city on foot, but it gets tiring.
Although I’m supposed to be out here for work an all that jazz, I’m kinda just enjoying living… eeee….. I’ll get to work soon….

But I must admit, one of my greatest accomplishments so far is introducing Alicia Keys and art to my cousin… She’s 16, and a first year nursing student. When I first met her in the beginning of the week she said her favorite musical artist was Avril Levine. Her room is full of Avril, her backgroud on her friendster is Avril, and she loved the “girlfriend” song. But after introducing her to Ms. Alicia, she loves her…. And we just bought some paint, and she totally loves it. Got her a sketchbook and everything…But I swear, I’ll get to work soon…

Texting is a part of daily life here...its their first means of communication rather then a telephone call:

Barely settling in...

2007-11-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

“Oh shit, I’m in the Philippines,” those are the words I whispered to myself while looking out the window as my plane descended bringing Manila’s landscape into view. This is my second day here, and it still is settling in. I got all my things unpacked and woke up to a brand new room this morning, but I still can’t fully grasp that I will be living here. Sure, I’ve been here a couple of times before, sure I’ve traveled before, but this time it’s different. It’s a whole new discovery and mentality…. I am used to traveling with a group, other students, or friends, but this time it’s just me for an extended about of time. The first of many lone adventures…Granted I am staying with family, it’s an environment that is different, and FAR AWAY from home. Although, I have to come to think of the Philippines as a second home. A home I’m still discovering…

Before I left my dad told me that in one of the drawers in his room I will find old letters from mom to him. Low and behold, I found birthday, valentine, anniversary, and Christmas cards addressed to dad. Some letters had my foraged signature- as I was only one or two- and Elmer’s scribbles… one of the cards was written when I was in my mom’s tummy kicking and making it hard for her to sleep. Restless since before i was born. Reading those cards definitely gave be insight on the love between my mom and dad, and the struggles my mom must have went through being a single mom in America while my Dad was overseas working for years- not able to see my mom or his kids for a year at a time.

Those cards are just a snippet of what I expect to learn about the lives of my parents, my family, and all that comes with living in the “motherland” for the next six months. Six months?!? Still can’t believe it.

-------

I’m in between books right now. Still reading “All About Love,” by Bell Hooks, just started “Screaming Monkeys,” and in the middle of reading again, my own traveler’s manual, “The Alchemist.”

I usually underline really good quotes that stick out to me, and it seems that I’m underlining everything in Bell Hooks’ book. She quotes Parker Palmer in The Active Life: Wisdom for Work, Creativity, and Caring:
“To be fully alive is to act… I understand action to be any way that we can co-create reality with other beings and the Spirit…Action, like a sacrament, is the visible form of an invisible spirit, an outward manifestation of an inward power. But as we act, we no only express what is in us and help give shape to the world; we also receive what is outside us, and reshape our inner selves.”

Then there’s Screaming Monkeys: Critiques of Asian American Images. In referring to an article that decribed a young Filipino-African child as a “monkey,” Evelina Galang writes, “In the end, we concluded that the reason things like this happen is because our history books- and I mean our American history books-do not cover this, our Asian American history- the atrocities, the accomplishments, the contributions, the acknowledgment that we are a part of this America, not visitors, not ghosts, not foreigners, not monkeys.”

I also like how she describes the artwork in this book as “ the most abstract, the voice that is deepest inside us that has the longest route to travel before it could be heard.”

And finally, there’s Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist. I finally got my original copy back- the copy that has all my marks, sidenotes, and highlighted quotes. “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

"Obsessive Wanderlust"

2007-10-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

This short film was done beautifully and holds truth- at least my personal truth- as to my thirst for traveling and photographing.

MediaStorm writes:
Combining passages from his up-coming book with photographs, video, and Super-8 film, Evidence of My Existence brings to life a deeply personal account of 17 years spent moving from one new story to the next. Like the book, it is a manic exposition on a life in photojournalism, and on the consequences of obsessive wanderlust.

As the video opens, Lo Scalzo is a blur to his wife, her pathological tolerance long ago worn thin. She is heading to the hospital with her second miscarriage, and he is heading to Baghdad to cover the American invasion of Iraq. He hates himself for this—for not giving her a child, for being consumed by his job, for leaving her again. But how to stop moving? Travel is a compulsive craving. An addiction. Heroin. The buzz is euphoric and the opportunities are infinite, all open to him as a photojournalist.

For Lo Scalzo, as with so many photojournalists, it’s about the going."

Click here:

2007-10-08T19:39:00.000-07:00

Three to four hours full of math problems, strategies, and formulas, calls for a break. A little distraction, if you will...

So I've been spending almost everyday in the city...whether it being an adventure with folks I havn't hung out with in months or years, studying at Muddy's, photo events, or just a lone adventure of picture taking and/or reflecting...

I think reflection is vital...Whatever one does from day to day, whether or not u have one crazy schedule, or even if you don't--- reflection is an important element towards growth.

The more time I spend in the city, I fall in love with it more and more.... I can't get enough of it. The people, weather, diversity, memories, events, adventures, all that good stuff... and I think that is why I got all sentimental yesterday. The whole day was thinking of how much imma miss everything when I'm in the Motherland for six months. Don't get me wrong, these nostalgic feelings aren't going to stop me from going, but it definately makes it a bit harder.

Anyway, getting sidetracked.... gotta read... =)

why i hate starbucks...

2007-10-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

I was rummaging through my old documents in my computer, and found the letter I wrote Human Resources after having my San Jose boss from Starbucks cuss me out during his drunken state. Just wanted to share:

June 14, 2006

To whom it may concern:

One of Starbucks Guiding Principles is to “provide a great work environment and treat each other with respect and dignity.” The phrase respect and dignity is reiterated throughout the Partner Guide and the Standards of Business Conduct booklet. It is these very words that describe what is expected from every partner, no matter what position they hold at the workplace.

On May 19, 2006 Starbucks partners from the store on the **** and **** in San Jose conducted our store meeting at Gordon Biersch. The meeting started at 4 p.m. and ended at about 5 p.m. The partners also had dinner reservations following the meeting at 7 p.m. While waiting for our scheduled dinner, we socialized for two hours, in which alcohol was involved.
The dinner was meant to be a celebration for two baristas who just turned twenty-one. When we were seated for dinner, our party sat in two large tables. The whole Starbucks ***** team was present, along with their guests, past baristas, and customers from the store. It was with these customers of whom I was conversing with, when out of nowhere my manager, D*** ********, who is sitting at the other side of the table, said, “Diana, fuck you. Fuck you.” He repeatedly cursed at me with two of his middle fingers up in the air. I looked at him in disbelief and said, “D**** are you kidding?” He kept his middle fingers up in the air and continued, “Fuck you Diana. Fuck you.” I looked at my assistant manager, *********, who was sitting two seats away from him, and asked, “******, do you see this?” She replied, “Don’t take him seriously right now Diana. He’s drunk.” And he continued to curse and even put one of his middle fingers in his mouth, pulled it out, and said, “Fuck you.”
Overwhelmed by surprise and anger, I left the table and went outside to get some air. When outside I told three other partners about ******** actions. They replied, “Don’t take it personal. He’s always like this. He just yelled at another barista. He yelled at me before. He pushed me against the wall last time we went out.” I was not only surprised at the fact that ********* had done this before, but also that everyone simply excused him. I replied, “Just because he is drunk and he is known to do these things we are supposed to accept this behavior? Because he is our boss, we are supposed to accept this behavior?”
These partners convinced me to go back inside and eat dinner. I started eating my salad and realized that I could not be there anymore. I wanted to leave. I went to the restroom in which D******** followed me and tried to block my way. He asked, “Where are you going? Where are you going?” I replied that I was going to the restroom. He proceeded to the men’s restroom and I proceeded to the women’s restroom.
While in the restroom, one of the partners asked if I was okay. She was the partner that was sitting right next to D****** when he said those remarks to me. She said, “Do you want me to talk to him? I feel offended myself. That not only makes you feel uncomfortable, that makes me feel uncomfortable.” I told her, “No, no. You shouldn’t talk to him. I will.” I then started to cry. I was treated with disrespect and embarrassed. My own manager cussed me out in front of my partners but also in front of customers. Customers that replied, “Is that who you work for?” I felt as if I had no voice because people seemed to accept this behavior. I felt as if it was my fault for his verbal abuse. I questioned what he thought of me as his employee. I felt belittled and disrespected.
By the time I went back to dinner, D***** left with his wife. Everyone was relieved that he left. I definitely was relieved myself, but I had a heavy feeling still weighing me down.
The following morning I received a phone call from D*******. He apologized for what happened the night before. “I only blacked out once before from drinking, and last night was the second time. I don’t know what I said to you, but I know it was hurtful. I’m sorry. You’re a valuable partner, and I don’t know why I said what I said.”
After thinking about the situation and having the scene play over and over in my head, I decided to tell my district store manager, *******. I told her the whole story and she replied, “First of all, I wanted to apologize on behalf of Starbucks. But since it was off the clock and alcohol was involved, Starbucks isn’t involved… You’ll definitely get a second apology, but what do you want? Do you want to get transferred? Do you want a couple days off?” I told her that since I just transferred to the store, I felt it was pointless to transfer out again and I could not afford to have a couple days off either. Penny then told me to give her a call if I feel uncomfortable at work.
A week passed and although D********* did not do anything more to make me feel more uncomfortable,[sidenote: besides try to kiss my ass] I still felt uneasy. I thought that maybe I could deal with working there. But the truth is, I can’t work with someone that verbally harassed me not knowing where his anger came from and why it was directed to me. So I thought maybe I could transfer to another store, but after talking to the district manager and the San Jose Partner Resources Associate, it seemed as if drunken harassment was an accepted behavior by Starbucks managers. The way the situation was handled made me not want to work for the company at all. If Starbucks stands for treating its employees with respect and dignity, but has this situation pass without any kind of suspension or an AA class, it makes me question Starbucks as a company. What is even more embarrassing is the fact that even other store managers know about this behavior. They even joke about it. It’s embarrassing to work at a store whose manager has such a reputation. It makes me wonder why Starbucks as a company is not embarrassed by such behavior. His own baristas, other store managers, customers, and the district manager know of his disrespectful behavior.
According to the Starbucks Standards of Business Conduct, it states:
“Of course, you may keep your personal activities outside of the workplace confidential. However, you should always keep in mind that you are a representative of Starbucks.”
******** is a store manager. He is supposed to be a leader and he is supposed to treat all his partners with dignity and respect. On May 19, 2006 I was denied that treatment. I feel I was verbally harassed. According to the Starbucks Standards of Business Conduct, “Harassment can take many forms, including unwelcome remarks, gestures or physical contact… verbal abuse, threats, taunting or leering.” I feel his words, “Fuck you Diana” are unwelcomed remarks and his middle fingers in the air, as well as the sucking of his middle finger only to pull back out and repeat the words “Fuck you” was definitely an unwelcome gesture.
The Starbucks Standards of Business Conduct continues to say: “Starbucks works had to train effective, supportive managers and to treat all partners with respect and dignity.” ******'s words and gestures towards me that night were neither supportive nor respectful.
Prior to this event, truthfully, I was already thinking of leaving the company because I wanted to put more time into school. But a part of me still wanted to stay because I thought about the partners I work with, and the benefits and flexibility of the store schedule, especially for students. But after rethinking the situation that happened that night, and after thinking about the hypocrisy of Starbucks Standards of Business Conduct and the Starbucks Guiding Principle regarding respect and dignity, my decision was made. My last day is July 9th.
I did not write this letter in order to get ****** fired. That is probably the last thing I want. But rather, I wrote this letter so that if an event similar to this were to ever happen again, the correct measures will be taken. I wrote this letter for the partners who have already experienced this harassment, but have not come forward for one reason or another. I wrote this letter so no other partner will have to experience the lack of dignity and respect I experienced that Starbucks claims to have for its partners.

Sincerely,

-----------------

By the way, last I heard, he still works for Starbucks...

need a break...

2007-10-03T01:31:00.000-07:00

These past two days I have been studying hard for those GRE's.... the math portion at least. And I'm not one to enjoy the terms PEMDAS, FOIL, and all those math terms that have somewhere slipped through the wrinkles of my brain. So I decided I need some form of outlet...or distraction...finally decided to scan some old negatives and my first roll of my HOLGA. lovely, and fun...

The state of the world today...

2007-09-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of days, I have woken up to the sun shining through my window, the warm air, and a good mood. This morning I woke up to a cloudy sky and a feeling of just staying in bed all day... and then I got up to see what's going on in the world. Hopped on Democracy Now, and got even more depressed...

Some people say they don't watch the news or read the newspaper because it is just too depressing. And then I think, well, do people not want to face reality-that there is a lot of fucked up shit going on in the world. I mean, would they rather know what's going on with Britney Spears, rather than what is going on in Darfur or in Iraq? Okay, how about not take it that far, but instead, would people rather know what's going on with Brad and Angelina, than know what's going on in their own neighborhoods- the schools that are losing funding for afterschool programs, the organization that is raising money for Hurricane Felix victims in Nicaragua, or the 90-year-old man who throughout his lifetime has been fighting for veterans rights, but will eventually pass before ever seeing his cause win.

I guess, for the majority, the answer is yes. People generally don't want to be brought down with the news. They got things going on in their lives- careers, families, entertainment news, life... I mean I get that feeling too sometimes.. just right now after watching the news I got that feeling again, that "what do we do now?" feeling. That feeling of overwhelment and anger of the state of the world today. That feeling of helplessness when hearing and seeing the monks in Burma who are dying and getting beaten because of their SILENT and NON-VIOLENT protests. The feeling of, "man when is this going to end," when I hear about the number of civilians that have died because of the ongoing conflict on the Gaza strip between the Palestinians and Isrealis. I don't even have to hear about news in Iraq, because just with that one word-Iraq- comes feelings of anger and sadness. And then I get that feeling of DISGUST, when I continuously hear about President Bush's ridicuolous remarks and his euphamisms to make the war seem like we're "liberating" Iraq. And then after hearing other country leaders speak about a "man" who is a money hungry dictator who uses corporations to profit off of people's suffering and is the world's number one human rights violator.... one cannot help but feel helpless.... and then that question surfaces again: What do we do now?

At this point in time, we are surrouonded by so many outlets to news, through the internet especially, and we are all more connected globally as well, yet, why does it seem like either things are stagnant, or getting worse? And why does it seem like people aren't doing much to change it...

Yesterday, I went to a free Photoshelter 2.0 workshop, and listened to Michael Zagaris, a photojournalist, as he spoke about growing up in the 60's, and taking photos of rock and roll bands in the 70's,80's, and 90's. His stories were inpspiring as well as entertaining, as he shared descriptions of bands he met, drugs he did, and his philosophy about life and society. After his speech, i coversated with him about history, revolution, social problems, etc...I asked him, "you mentioned that the social climate in the 60's is almost the same, if not worse, then the social climate today. There's a lot going on with the war and everything else. But it seems as if the youth were more involved then, then they are now. Why do you think that and what would be your advice to the youth today?" We went from tangent to tangent, but basically he put it this way, as an individual contribute as much as you can with the people around you. Share yourself, your art, your help to people you know, you don't know, your community. Put it out there....

It was quite interesting how what we talked about conincidently co-insided with issues that I'm reading in Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine. It's an insane book! So good...Here's a short film about the book that inspired Evs, Sato, and I to start a "book club." Cause as Aristel, a good of friend of mine says, "Reading is selfish." Meaning, share, share share! Not just books, but thoughts too! The world works like that sometimes...coincidences and parallels. I love it...

A Film by Alfonso Cuarón and Naomi Klein, directed by Jonás Cuarón.

Aristel also said something else I wanted to quote. He told me, "Don't be a theif. There are two ways to be a thief: to steal or to with hold."

Share...communicate, express....reveal...

I'm addicted to inspiration

2007-09-22T18:50:00.001-07:00

Inspiration comes in many forms...whether it being a photo, a stranger, a song, a friend, an artist, a book, a poem, a movie....the list can go on and on. Inspiration is almost an addiction to me. It's a drug that helps me see the world in a different light, from a different perspective. It's a drug that heightens my awareness. It's a drug that can change my frame of mind. It helps me grow, and helps me change.

But one can take these dosages of inspiration and allow such luminance to slowly fade, only to be just that- candy for the mind, sweet and giving a short high- but only to eventually die. Far too many times I have indulged in these sweets, but recently have I realized that if not applied in my life or in my art, it becomes forgotten. Inspiration disappears if one does not allow it to shape into an influence, or if it isn't shared...

INSPIRATION #1: PHOTOJOURNALISM

With the rise of multi-media and video in the photojournalism world, one can almost forget the power of a single photo. I was reminded of that last Thursday. I went to the opening of the Gordon Parks. /Michael Cheers photo exhibit at the MLK Library at San Jose State University.

Besides my amazement of Gordon's accomplishments within his life- a photographer, writer, poet, and director- ( the definition of an artist in its purest form)- I was mesmerized at the fact that he shot photos during such a time in history when racism was undeniably apparent and accepted. I admire his courage. He was an African American photographer shooting photos of America's landscape as he saw it- shooting photos of poverty, segregation, gangs, the struggle of civil rights, Malcolm X, the Black Panthers, etc.

I really liked how Cheers placed his photos below Parks' photos: illustrating that INSPIRATION is passed on and lives on. Also, having both photos positioned the way they were, helped the viewer see the beauty of photography, but also see that the same issues of Gordon's time is still very alive today...

"The camera is not meant to just show misery," Parks explained. "You can show beauty with it; you can show things you like about the universe. It's capable of doing both."

My Nanay's hands...

My sister's feet...

INSPIRATION #2 MUSIC

Music is art's microphone. I truly admire how an artist can take the simplest forms of sound and combine it with rhythm and vocals to concoct a track. I'm in awe when one can actually feel the artist's soul in her voice. And my mind boggles when the artist verbalizes his view of life and society in a rhyme that flows so damn well...

Ms. Lauryn Hill puts it as this:

Colours of sound
Scales and beauty
Audio scenery
Electric love and
Rhythmic symmetry
Written in memory
Beautifully crafted scenery
Complex or simplicity
Sonic energy
Piercing insensitivity
Sympathetic poetry
For some even identity
Collective entity
Something to belong to
A source of energy
The possibilities....

The CD I've been overplaying in my car is Talib Kweli's album, Ear Drum. Inspirational in so many ways! His lyrics touch on religion, war, posers, REAL hip-hop, politics, relationships, and "the nature of the world today." Its refreshing to hear a lyricist who speaks on reality rather than the illusion of materialism and fame. Listen!!!!

INSPIRATION #3: PEOPLE....

...to be continued...

2007-09-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

My cousin asked me today if my trip to the Philippines felt like a vacation... and i would have to say, within the 2-and-a-half weeks that I've been here, only one day has really felt like a vacation. If it was not family business, it was reporting, photographing and connecting--which I don't mind at all, i mean, that's basically what this trip was meant for.

I do regret not being able to update this blog as much as I wanted to. I havn't had much time to sit down and upload photos everyday.

One of the events that I did go to was on the International Day of the Disappeared. It is a day that remembers those who have been arrested and are imprisoned in places where their relatives do not know of. I met with a photojournalist, Luis Liwanag, who has been an inspiration and a great help to me while out here in the motherland. Here are some photos:

A man places photos of people who have "disappeared" or have been arrested for political or unknown reasons.
The International Day of the Disappeared on August 30 is a day created to draw attention to the fate of individuals imprisoned at places and under poor conditions unknown to their relatives and/or legal representatives.

The sign reads,"Gloria Arroyo, AFP, and PNP: Where is my dad." Those present at the rally, which started outside of University of San Tomas, were family memebers of those who have disappeared.

It was my first time to me at an event in the Philippines with other photojournalists present. Since I was not wearing a media badge, someone came up to me to ask where I was from and thought that I was from the CIA. Apparently, the CIA photographs protestors and demonstrators for their records...

A young boy looks out at the crowd of protestors marching the street.

Hundreds of demonstrators caused a traffic jam in one of Manilla's main streets.

Boracay Blvd

2007-08-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

Boracay is usually associated with white sand beaches, blue green water, and a tourist attraction. But that's actually, Boracay Island... the exact opposite from the Boracay Blvd I visited early Monday morning. Instead of white sand beaches,it

shores were covered with garbage and rubble, instead of blue green water is murky brown water, and instead of a tourist attraction, it is an area that residents are being driven away from their homes.

Signs are posted in front of homes and along the road that read, "We're not against the development, but include us in the development," or "Negotiation, rather then demolition."

According to residents living there, the area that they have been residing at for almost all their lives---some about 50 years--- are being asked to leave because the space they are occupying is government owned. The government is now planning to develop roads, buildings, and factories and need the residents to leave. Some have no where to go and are asking for some kind of compensation to start over. Some are given money that is not enough, and some have had their houses demolished without given a cent.

Many residents who have revolved their lives around fishing, find themselves jobless because fish no longer occupy the water that is polluted from the rubble and garbage of the demolition. Many residents have no where to go and have no money to support their families....

Here are a few photos, and I will update the story as much as I can.

Signs that read, "We're not against the development, but include us in the development," are posted along Boracay Blvd in Cavite, Philippines. Residents living in shanties are forced to abandon their homes, which will be bulldozed to make way for roads, buildings, and development.

Maria Casquio, 47, and her grandson, Louis Casquio, 1, sit outside of their house on Boracay Blvd. Maria has been living in this area for 10 years, and does not know where she will go if her house is demolished. Residents want to negotiate with the government, rather then be forced to leave without any options. "Negotiation, rather than demolition."

Right along the highway lies mountains of garbage and heaps of gravel that once used to be where homes stood but were torn down.

Nehalie Legaspi, 47, has been living and fishing here all his life. His income is based on the fish, crab, and shellfish he was been catching. But lately, since the demolition started, many of the fish have retreated out of the area, making it harder for Nehalie to make money.

Jerry Amistoso, 37, a father of three kids, had his house was torn down a few weeks. His life has revolved around fishing, now he is left with no job to support his family.

Children living in the area bathe in the unsanitary water---jumping, laughing, and playing.

After having his house torn down, Jerry was lucky enough to find a place by his sister's house, right across the road from his old house. Unfortunately, the community he just moved into will also eventually be demolished.

After sharing his story Jerry begins to tear because he feels like he cannot help his family. They only eat twice a week he said. He has been trying to look for a job, but it is hard because, "All I know is fishing and the sea."

Jerry has a family of three--- Charlene Mae, 9, Jake, 7, and JP, 2.

From death to rebirth

2007-08-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

"Do you like sunsets or sunrises?"

That is a question my uncle asked me about eight years ago. The question was prompted after I showed him some photos I took of several sunsets... I answered, "Sunsets."

"You know," he said, "You could tell a lot about a person from their answer to that question..."

And then we would talk about death, birth, and get into what kind of person I was simply because I liked sunsets. He was the deep and philosiphical uncle who encouraged me to do what I LOVE. and that made a world of a difference to me...

I've been replaying that scene a lot in my head lately... i suppose more so now since he recently passed away. Whenever I did visit him in the hospital, it was usually late, when the sun was setting, with deep orange saturations and hints of purple peeking out of the cloudy skies.

I thought of him again when I arrived at the airport here in Manila. It was about 5am, and morning traffic was just beginning. As the sky transformed from dark to light my senses awakened to all that was the Philippines--- the jeepneys, the traffic, the humid weather, the pollution, but also family, the food, and the familiarity of it all. While the sun was rising, my mind was racing with thoughts of a new beginning.

It's definatley exciting...

It's a Sunday afternoon right now, and I'm residing in Dasmarinas. It's my third day here, and it's been filled with visiting the fam, EATING, sleeping, and MORE EATING. I'm getting restless tho...i've contacted a few people and organizations, and gotta plan on meeting with them this upcoming week...

We'll see... eeeee!!!!!

As for photos, I will upload as soon as I can hook up my laptop somewhere....

This is amazing....

2007-07-08T14:19:00.001-07:00

I love how Mr. Koci Hernandez not only inspires, but shares a whole lot of info, sites, insight, and all that good stuff. With Vuvox I made this in literally less than 2 minutes... how fun!

I miss her

2007-07-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

She made me feel sane.
But she disappeared.
Her spiritual trips, made me feel okay to fall on the pavement face down, smiling.
Her exuberant energy spun around in a foreign yet familiar cosmos that I danced in.
Her third eye pierced through everything, heightening my own awareness.
Her understanding of the world was like going into a rabbit hole
that I had an invitation to.
Her wonderland was full of nonsense, but had a deeper meaning,
sometimes beyond my comprehension, but not far off from my understanding.
Her tears revealed a struggle that no one knew but her.
Her scars concealed pain that only she can open and close.
Yet she had a strength that she was blind to, and beauty that was beyond her sight
Inner strength I hope she finds,
Beauty within I hope she realizes.

2007-07-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

It's nice how one thing can lead to opening another door. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I'm reading the book Can't Stop Won't Stop and just finished the chapter entitled, "Furious Styles." It outlines the unique styles of the elements of hip-hop from DJing, B-boying, and graffiti. In between reading the book, I find myself researching the different artists, music, movies, and people that are mentioned. For example, because of the beautiful invention of YouTube, I finally got to watch the movie, Style Wars, which by the way, made me fall farther deeper in love with New York. I also had the chance to look up a woman photojournalist named Martha Cooper, who also happens to be an anthropologist and also interned for National Geographic, so my curiousity was definately intrigued. She is known for documenting graffiti artists during the 1970's, and gaining access to "crime scenes" and gaining trust with graffiti artists. There's a recent interview with her that gives more insight to her photography and her perspective of today digital photography.

----

Anywho, I wouldn't be a photojournalist if I didn't decorate my blog with photos I've been taking on a daily basis. Gotta keep my wandering mind and constant framing eye happy even if it isn't a daily assignment, or a huge project--- but rather my daily life. A vidographer from the NPPA Multi-media workshop said something to this matter, "In order to capture the moments in other people's lives, one must be able to recognize the moments in their own lives."

Cousin Oliver on his cell phone while bro driving on 101..

Pieces of my first day in SJ after suffering from pnemonia:
Crossing San Fernando after going to booksale in San Jose.

At my favorite bowling alley 300:

A relaxing day

2007-06-30T23:34:00.001-07:00

So being at home for a long amount a time has me itching to take photos. I actually got to hang out with my homies over some lunch and took my "baby" out for a bit.

Here's a photo of the most beautiful woman I know =)

My old roomie forcing himself to eat "Dearest Crab" a fried ball with crab, meat, and veggies. It wasn't too appetizing...

Timm, my good friend and fellow photog, takes a photo of Evelyn's feet??

Anywho, the pnemonia that harbors in my lungs is slowly disappearing...at least it feels like it. =) I kinda enjoy this time away from the outside world. I actually have time to read! Currently I'm reading Can't Stop Won't Stop by Jeff Chang, a book about the history of hip-hop. From the political struggle in Jamaica to the gangs that ran the streets of the Bronx in the 70's, there is so much information that is connected and rooted to the music I grew up listening to. Today's "music" on the other hand, is another story... damn, if today's artists only knew of the power their music has over masses, maybe they wouldn't be promoting the dirt they are glorifying... but then again, it's whatever brings in the money, right? Maybe they do know but don't care? Maybe it's what their owners and the corporations they work for really want: to produce catchy tunes that have no substance but tells the audience what to do and what to value... maybe its just music made to entertain and have people dance to??? Whatever it is, it's a bit different from what DJ's in the Bronx created in their own backyards and block parties. Yeah, it's music to have a good time to, but at least there were positive messages being relayed out to the community.

Anyway, there's a quote I highlighted that is talking about the positivity that Afrika Bambaataa, one of the godfathers of hip-hop, spread within his neighborhood, the city, and eventually to the world:

"Consciousness did not come from the unmasking of social forces, but from having a true reckoning with one's god within. The revolution did not emanate from mass organizations struggling against systems and institutions, but in one's personal transformation. Only then could one "overstand," that is, comprehend and confront the injustice of the world by manifesting one's power."
-Jeff Chang p.106

What happened to the self-empowering music, rather than the self-degrading? Well, at least, the music that is projected on the radio and on television.

Talking Heads

2007-06-29T21:35:00.001-07:00

I just finished watching the All-American Presendential Forums on PBS. I usually don't watch these political forums and debates, but I thought it interesting because the panel consisted of colored journalists asking the questions. It was also pleasing to see Cornell West, Micheal Eric Dyson, and other familiar faces whom I don't know their names, but I have seen before... Anyway, it was an engaging forum because they brought up topics that aren't usually talked about. For instance, race, poverty, AIDS, Darfur, and Katrina.

I don't know if I actually watched the whole thing through because I'm sick in bed and have nothting else to do... OR, I really wanted to know what these candidates had to say about these issues. I'm usually turned off by these "talking heads" because it just seems as if it has all been said before. Issues like war, poverty, healthcare have been discussed before but not much has drastically changed. I mean, when these candidates talk about these issues and what they will change, when they actually get in power, how much of what they promised will America receive? I mean, don't get me wrong, what they have to say I find myself applauding to (even if I am in my room alone =P) because I agree with what they have to say: How the billions of dollars going to Iraq should go towards education and healthcare... how money should be redirected to the Gulf Coast (By the way, I liked how Edwards is down for the idea of giving jobs to the residents to rebuild New Orleans, rather than the multi-billion dollar corporations...GCCWP!!!!). A lot of dialogue was all so very impressive, but is it and will it just be that? Just talk?

Another thing I wanted to touch base on is, are they really reaching out to people? I'm pretty damn sure that people havn't heard about this forum... I'm pretty damn sure that a lot of people don't even know who the candidates are... which isn't too bad, I suppose, but what about the issues. The issues do affect everyone. It just pains me to see how more interested and intrigued SOME people--especially those my age and generation-- who rather know what's going on with Brad and Angelina, Paris Hilton, and all that garbage. Sure, it's just entertainment... but it is also a waste of time and energy that could go into educating one's self about what's going on in Darfur or other worldly issues.... My brother walks into my room looks over my shoulder as I watch the forum. He looks at the list of topics, and asks, "What's Darfur?" It was a bit upsetting, but more upsetting at the fact that I'm pretty sure ALOT of people have no idea where, what, and how many are dying in Darfur....

Alright..that's enough of my ranting....

One more thing: Cornell West's formula for leadership:

"You can't lead people if you don't LOVE people.
You can't save people, if you don't SERVE people."

"To have a strong sense of style, one must have a strong sense of self."

2007-06-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

During the NPPA Multimedia workshops, I wrote down that quote as an afterthought. Being exposed to photographs that are amazingly different that cease to strike a cord in a viewer's mind and heart, is a magic in all its own. Not even just a photograph, but simply a piece of creativity, a form of expression. And what is really amazing is the person behind such a piece, is just being themselves. They are putting themselves into that piece. And the viewer could feel it.

It's what differentiates that photographer/artist from everyone else... their own eye, their intuition, their own style. And that's what makes them really stand out.

I woke up this morning and read this month's NPPA's cover story about Carolyn Cole. It was definately a pleasure to see her present her work during the Portland Workshops. Photo after photo held so much intense emotion. A friend of mine said it became repetitive, seeing the same photo over and over again. I must strongheartedly disagree. From New Orleans, to Afghanistan, to Haiti, to Chad, to Lebanon---- she has been to all these areas during times of war, conflict, and death-- and she comes back with photos that move. And they are different because they tell different stories, different hearthaches, and different losses from different individuals. I found it interesting that she addressed this in the NPPA article,

"First and foremost, I'm about content. And then after that, it's about emotion and moments. When there is time, I work with the light and composition and complexity if I can, but in news that is rare. Stories don't happen at sunset...I have one method, and it's to tell the people who are reading the newspaper what's going on, and what's important for them to know."

I also find it inspiring, that she is a woman =) Girl power!

P.S. Random photo, but wanted to add it: The most inspirational women in my life =) (not Marge, Lisa, or Maggie Simpson)

“Being comfortable to be read like an open book.”

2007-06-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

What a scary thought…. At least that is what I said to myself after an old friend said that to me about three years ago. “To be read like an open book,” meant someone seeing right through me. Someone that could see all my imperfections, point at them, laugh and insult. But now, I look back at how being a closed book or rather only showing the preface and the first couple chapters of my book, somehow slows down my growth. I guess my hesitance to share rooted from my belief that no one would really care what I have to say, write, paint, or photograph. My opinions aren’t valid. But the beauty of art and communication is that it isn’t necessarily there to please others’ taste, but rather art is self-expression. Whether through any medium, the artist/writer/painter/photographer/musician, is creating. And with that creation, it takes a life of its own --- to reach people, to inspire, to spark discussions and ideas, to branch off to another form of art, etc.

For about most of my college career, I could say that I have been more a sponge than a mirror. I love to learn, read, watch movies, go to museums, have conversations with perfect strangers—soaking every bit of inspiration I could get. Only to write about it in my journal, somehow have it subconsciously come out in my work and life, or sadly let it slip away. A moment of inspiration, and only that….

But I could only do so much absorbing, without reciprocation. We are all teachers and students. And there is a time to be a student and absorb, and there is a time to be a teacher to pass on what you have learned or at least what you are in the process of learning. Because we are always in the process of learning.

There needs to be a balance with the two within ourselves…learning and teaching. A better world = better understanding… and better understanding comes with learning from eachother.

So here is me opening up: Literally...

That’s my heart. My lungs. And you see that white stuff on my left lung, (your right), that’s pnemonia.

I thought it was going to be a passing cold, fever, or bug, but after a week of the symptoms getting worse, sleepless nights, and continuous coughing spells, I had to make an appointment.

Now I am bed-stricken for ten days. It’s not bad for some, but for a restless wandering soul, I try to find things to do that aren’t so energy consuming. In between my coughing spells, and my groggy state of mind, I find time to read---- and now blog. Maybe I need this…. Maybe it’s my body telling me to slow down…Always on the go Diana…. Maybe this alone time with my thoughts will help me evaluate what I want to do, what my next move is, what, when, how, etc…. Crazy. Even in my sickly state, I am still planning out my agenda.

I just finished reading Saul Williams’ “, said the shotgun to the head.” It’s a poem that touches issues that are political, social, spiritual, emotional, and everything personal.

Here is an exerpt

And it smelled like teen spirit
Angst driven insecure
A country in puberty
A country at war
Wet dreams
Cotton mouth
Blood thirsty
Oily hair
Fast cars
Movie stars
Earn 20 mill…
To instill fear

This is one of my favorites:

I have found the library
Where all the dreams deferred
Were stored

Catalogues of cultures
Indexed by communal disappearance

Mayans are metaphors
For astral doors
Left cracked
By children afraid
To sleep in utter darkness

Inspiration comes in many forms—whether its through a poem, a photograph, a conversation, a website, an article, a movie, etc. Whatever the medium, I will try to share my moments of inspiration within this blog.

And hopefully this blog will have a lifespan beyond the 10 days of confinement.